Memories and Hope
by montez
Summary: Memories abound as a possible tragedy affects the core group of the Brotherhood. Graciously using Ridley James's Brotherhood AU characters.
1. Chapter 1

Memories

By Montez

Disclaimer: I do not own anything with regards to Supernatural and their characters, those belong to Eric Kripke and the CW. Neither do I own the characters created by Ridley James, creator of the wonderful AU Brotherhood Series, whom I will be using throughout my story. I hope I can keep my story to the standard to which the Brotherhood stories are written.

Chapter 1

Pastor Jim Murphy's farm in New Haven, Kentucky was a safe place, a peaceful place. John Winchester liked coming back to the not so small farmhouse, surrounded mostly by woods, though he'd never admit it. He had an image to uphold with the members of his 'new' family. These men never knew the John Winchester of before; the one who loved a woman so much it scared him, the man who wanted nothing more then to come home from work and play ball with his four-year old son. The man who would set for hours in the nursery of his youngest son, watching the baby sleep. Forever amazed that he had been a part of creating two such beautiful children.

Then that November night came and stole that man away. In those awful moments right in between hearing his wife's terrified scream to grabbing his boys from the front lawn as the windows of his home were blown out by an unearthly fire, John Winchester changed. He became hardened afterward; his two main focus's were on finding what had taken his wife, his life and protecting his boys.

Here at the farm John felt safe, felt the boys were safe. It was times like now when John watched from Jim's porch as three-year old Sammy and seven-year old Dean played with Jim's Lab, Atticus. Watching as the dog tried to get the stick from Sammy's toddler hands as Dean's laughter echoed across the property. These were the times when the real John Winchester would make an appearance. The John who would still wake in the night, tears streaming down his face from a dream/nightmare of what Mary was missing out on, what he was missing out on with her and how different the boys would be if their mother hadn't died that night.

John loved his boys so much it hurt, but he wanted to keep them safe. So, much to the dismay of his 'new' brothers; Pastor Jim Murphy and Dr. Mackland Ames, John trained his eldest son to protect his youngest. At the same time, John was also training Dean and soon Sammy as well, to follow in his footsteps tracking down all that was evil in the world, killing as many of the evil son of a bitch's as they could. At the top of that list was what had killed Mary and had forever changed him.

John barely turned as he heard the squeak of the screen door behind him as the man who had emerged made himself known. "Children's laughter is like music from Heaven." Pastor Jim's calm, quiet voice broke the silence of the porch as the echoess of laughter continued in the yard.

"Music from Heaven, huh?" John nearly whispered, his thoughts flooding with memories of Mary's laughter as she would joined Dean's fit of giggles when she would tickle the small boy. In a moment of unnatural openness John spoke again. "I can't loose them. They're all I have left of her." His voice was thick with emotion that Jim Murphy had only heard on one other occasion:

_It had been shortly after meeting John when Jim had convinced the weary, slightly on edge man, to bring his children; Dean, four and baby Sammy, nine months, to his farm in New Haven. Jim wanted to explain more about the supernatural world John had so harshly been thrown into, as well as to introduce John to the world of the Brotherhood. The Brotherhood was a group of men who worked in the shadow of society, protecting the innocent from the evil that really did lurk in the dark. Jim recalled that time with a mixture of sorrow and hope. Sorrow at having to yet again witness what evil can do to a man, to a family. He recalled how unnaturally quiet Dean had been for a four-year old. The boy had already developed a world-weary look that no child should ever have. He also noticed how the older boy would not let his baby brother out of his sight. The Preacher remembered John mentioning that Dean had stopped talking the night of the fire, but nothing more was said._

_On the second night the Winchester's were at the farm, Jim found John sitting in the hallway outside the room that had been fixed up for the boys. The Pastor's heart nearly broke as he looked on the hunched form of their father. John Winchester was by no means a small man. At six-foot, his height surpassed Jim's by two inches, plus being a former Marine and a mechanic by trade John also had an impressive muscular build. However, as Jim took in the broken man's appearance, John seemed to be shrinking into himself. The young father's head was resting on his arms which were crossed over-top his knees that were drawn close to his chest. Jim also noticed the slight shaking of the man's shoulders. Without saying a word the Preacher sat down across the hall from the broken man, offering silent support, praying that God would give him the strength and words to help the shattered soul across from him._

_John's emotion filled voice broke the silence of the hall. "I don't know how to help him." Red-rimmed eye's met Jim's as John continued, "Mary was always the one who took care of them when they were sick or hurt. I don't know what to do to make him better, to make me better." The broken man's eyes pleaded for Jim to tell him what to do, to tell him how to make things right, but Jim wasn't sure he could._

_Jim knew what John had told him about that night in November. He also knew of the 'read' Missouri had not only gotten from the house, but from the shattered family the evil had left behind. Missouri informed Jim that John was quickly trying to construct walls around his emotions, around his heart so he couldn't be hurt like that again. However, when Jim had asked her 'impression' of Dean she seemed puzzled. He remembered her saying that the little boy Dean had been before, died the night of the fire with his mother. The little boy left behind was still trying to find his place in a world without his mother. The child was holding such an unnatural fear of loosing his father and baby brother, that Dean had focused his sole existence to watching over his family, especially his brother. As long as his focus was on that, Missouri felt, then Dean didn't feel the need to interact with the outside world and until someone could get through the walls the four-year old was building around his family then silence was all anyone would get from the boy._

_The Preacher cleared his throat, hoping, praying he'd say the right thing. "Jonathon, I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. I wish I had the magic words to say that would make the hurt go away, but I'm sorry to say I don't." Jim watched silent tears fall from John's eyes. "I can only say if you listen to your own heart you will find a way to get through to your son. He is going through the same things as you, but he doesn't see past today. He doesn't see that, in time, things will get better. I know it's hard for you to see that, but as much as you hurt, deep down, you know with time that heart-ripping pain will pass and though it will never go away completely, it will become bearable. Dean hasn't had the life experience for him to see past his pain and fear. You have to help him see that things can and will get better, that it will be okay to play and laugh again. You are helping your son by being here for him, just remember for one as young as Dean he needs to be reassured that it wasn't his fault his mother died and that you will always love him, just as you did before." John nodded slowly then lowered his head to his arms again. Jim took a chance and moved across the hall, gently placing a hand on the broken man's shoulder. When John covered it with his own, Jim knew John understood._

"_I have a friend arriving tomorrow that I'd like you to meet." Jim quiet voice spoke again. "His name is Dr. Mackland Ames…"_

_John's head shot up looking almost frightened. "What kind of doctor?" John was fighting an urge to grab his son's and run. He wasn't crazy like some of his 'so called' friends back in Lawrence had whispered behind his back and even though John had accepted that Jim Murphy knew about the supernatural, he didn't fully trust the man yet._

_Jim patted John's shoulder, sensing the man's flight instinct kicking in. "Don't worry Jonathon, Mackland is a Neurosurgeon by trade, but also possess some, shall we say, unique abilities not unlike Missouri's. He's also a hunter and member of the Brotherhood . He's bringing his teenage son, Caleb with him. Mackland adopted Caleb a few month's ago. He's thirteen. Caleb's life has also been tragically formed by the supernatural so they have some experience with all this that may actually help, perhaps even with Dean." Jim stood as he felt the muscles in John's shoulder relax a little. "Now, how about we get up off this floor and get some rest."_

_Jim reached down to help John up, who surprisingly accepted. "Thanks Jim…for everything." John spoke quietly._

"_Not a problem my friend. I want my home to be a place of peace for you and your family. You will always be welcome and safe here." With that Jim headed back to his room as he heard John enter the boys room. Jim had fixed up a separate room for John, but he had been spending his nights in with his boys and Jim understood._

Jim was brought from his memories by the screen door slamming and a blur of dark hair running past as Caleb came racing out to join in the may lay as Atticus had finally gotten Sammy on the ground and was relentlessly licking the squealing three-year olds face. Jim and John watched as the teen grabbed Dean and proceeded to spin the seven-year old, releasing another fit of laughter. Though Caleb wanted to pretend to be older than his fifteen year, being around Dean and Sammy brought out the child in the sometimes brooding teen.

Returning back to John's comments, the Preacher spoke. "Jonathon, I told you back when you first came her, your family is safe here. Plus, you have additional family to help watch over them…" Jim's attention was again drawn to the yard, "…CALEB THOMAS REAVES, YOU STOP HOLDING THAT BOY UPSIDE DOWN!!" John chuckled as Jim reprimanded the teen who had managed to flip Dean upside-down and was proceeding to shake out the contents of the younger boy's pockets.

Caleb lowered Dean while shooting Jim a hurt look, "You know Jim, you sounded just like dad at that moment." Caleb gave one of his cocky grins that Dean had so desperately been trying to perfect.

"Speaking of your father, he should be arriving later this afternoon." Jim finished. John had remained silent as Jim had concluded talking to Caleb. Returning his look to John, Jim spoke again, "Is there something else to this feeling, Jonathon?"

Pain flickered in John's eyes for just a second as Jim watched. "I don't know, it's just…" John focused on the yard again as laughter erupted, "…the more I see, the more I learn about, I just worry that I can't protect them and if I loose focus they'll be snatched away." Looking at Jim now, the weary hunter ran his hand over his face, exhaling deeply. "I'm overreacting."

"No Jonathon, you're being a parent." Jim met John's perplexed gaze. "Every parent, even those who don't know what you do, fear something happening to their child. You just know a little more about what's out there then most, but I assure you, they're safe here. You've seen yourself this place is protected."

John nodded his head acknowledging the fact that not only was the farm consecrated ground, but for several hundred yards into the woods protections were in place. Not only what Jim had set up, but a few John himself had done, just for his own peace of mind. John watched as his boys ganged up on the older teen, who was now pinned to the ground being tickled relentlessly by the younger boys.

"Are you ready to head into town?" Jim asked, also watching the younger children's attack on the older one. He and John were heading into town to check old newspapers for research on a hunt.

"Yeah, give me a minute." John stepped from the porch, approaching the giggling, squirming mass in the yard. "Boys!" Instantly, Sammy and Dean stopped their attack on Caleb, coming to their father's side. John watched as Caleb pulled himself up off the ground and tried to straighten his cloths, composing himself from the young boys onslaught. "Letting them get the drop on you, maybe you need some more training there." John couldn't help the smile that crossed his face as the teen shot him a dirty look.

"Kiss my…"

"CALEB!" Jim's voice broke into Caleb's remark as he mouthed the rest so Jim couldn't hear. Everyone knew Jim frowned upon cursing, but with his farm being a meeting place for hunters it was hard to enforce it, but Jim did so if only with the younger generation.

John laughed as Caleb came to stand behind Sammy and Dean, then he dropped to one knee in front of his boys. "Jim and I are going into town to do some research. We'll be back in a few hours, but Mac should be here by then, until then Caleb's in charge…"

"Daaaddd…" Dean cut off his father as Caleb gave him a little shove.

"Dean, you know that's the rule, oldest is in charge. Now don't give him any trouble and watch out for your brother." John affectionately rubbed the top of Dean's head.

"Daddy, who do I watch?" Sammy's big eye's looked hopefully at his father, so eager to please.

'Sammy, my boy…" John stood scooping his smallest up with him, "Your job is to watch out for Atticus." Sammy's eyes lit-up as he threw his arms around his father's neck squeezing.

After a moment John sat the toddler down as Sammy proceeded to shake his brother's arm. "Deanie…I gots a job too!" Sammy rattled excitedly, jumping up and down.

"Great." Dean said, less than excited at having to watch after a running Sammy, chasing Atticus all day.

"Humor him, Ace." John squeezed Dean's shoulder.

"Yes sir." Dean took off after Sammy who was already chasing Atticus, fetch stick in hand.

"Caleb," The teen turned, looking at his mentor. "keep an eye on them."

"Hey!" Caleb threw his hand's out to his side, arching his eyebrow and with his trademark smirk replied, "I'm the glorified nanny!" As the teen turned to join the boys, John gave him a playful clip on the back of the head.

"And don't you forget it!" The humor evident as John headed toward the Impala where Pastor Jim was waiting.

A/N: I want to take a moment to thank the wonderful person who has agreed to Beta for me: Sensue. Your stories are wonderful, hope I can live up to the standard of You, Ridley and all the other great Brotherhood writers. So if there are any really bad errors they are all mine. Montez


	2. Chapter 2

Memories and Hope

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who read my first chapter. Hope I don't disappoint-here's chapter 2. Again thanks to Sensue for her Beta services.

A couple hours after John and Jim had left; Caleb had grown extremely bored with chasing after the boys, so he disappeared inside the farmhouse, emerging a short time later with his sketchbook. Taking a seat on the porch step he began to sketch the farm from that vantage point. The first thing he drew was the barn that was about 300 yards from the house, nestled close to the woods that surrounded the property. Though he was drawing, he still kept an eye on the running boys who never seemed to tire at chasing Atticus. As Caleb finished the details on the barn, he smiled a little remembering that Jim kept two rescued horses, the church wine, as well as, some of his own brews that would surely surprise the older man's congregation.

Next he started on the area of the pond that was about half-way between the house and barn. It was a decent size pond with a couple of shade trees skirting the edge. It was enough for some swimming and fishing that Sammy and Dean enjoyed. Caleb hated the pond. Caleb disliked any bodies of water, to many bad memories for the teen, but he saw how Pastor Jim found an unwavering peace on the banks of the pond. The man could sit for hours just watching the ripples lap against the bank. Caleb had also noticed Dean's unusual interest in the pond. He would find his young friend almost mirroring Jim on occasion, just watching the water splash quietly against the bank. The seven-year old was also known to take Jim's small boat (it stayed next to the tree) out onto the pond and float for hours. As Caleb drew, he remembered the first time Dean had ventured alone onto the pond.

_A barely six-year old Dean was suppose to be upstairs taking a nap with his baby brother, but when John went to check on the boys Dean wasn't there. John came back down, fear flashing in his face. "I can't find Dean!" the other adults, as well as Caleb, sitting at the kitchen table immediately stood. _

_Jim's calming voice spoke, "Are you sure he just not gone to the bathroom?" _

_Caleb watched as John shot the Preacher a angry look. "Don't you think I would have checked there, Jim!"_

_Jim raised his hand, "I'm just saying, he's a small boy, he couldn't be far. To leave the house he would have had to come through here, so he has to be in here somewhere." With a nod of acceptance the four people in the kitchen started a search of the house. As the adults searched the normal places, Caleb checked the places he knew the boy would sometimes seek out to be by himself, like the attic and the small storage closet that was in the corner of Caleb's room. Caleb tried to be quiet as not to wake a still sleeping Sammy as he again checked the boys room that was connected to his. The adults were down stairs searching, since John had supposedly checked the second floor._

_Caleb was drawn to the window that was open about an inch. It being early March it was still a little cool for it to be open, as he reached to close it his eye's traveled to the view of the farm below. "What's the boat doing in the pond?" Caleb mumbled out loud, wondering why it would be out anyway with there still being a chill in the air. Caleb watched as the small crafted turned slightly, what he saw stole his breath. He caught a glimpse of blond hair, just barely visible in the boat. Before he could rationalize a thought his feet were pounding down the stairs toward the backdoor._

_Mac was the closest to the kitchen as Caleb came tearing through the house. "Caleb!?" _

_Without breaking stride Caleb hit the screen door as he yelled, "He's in the pond!" Caleb's only thought was to get to the small boy. To Caleb water only meant the painful memories of his parents death, so to Caleb water meant death. The boy felt himself running faster then he had ever run._

_In the second between seeing his son tear out the door, Mac's legs had already started to follow, but as he hit the porch the words registered, "Jim! John! He's at the pond!" Mac yelled back toward the door as he raced to catch up with his son. Mac heard the screen door slam and the pounding feet of the other men behind him as he watched his son reach the pond and without stopping, jump in._

"_CALEB!" Three voices shouted at once as the teen disappeared below the surface. Mac saw his son surface as he too jumped in. The teen swam toward the small boat, grabbing the lead-line as his father came up beside him. They were pulling it to shore as Jim and John reached the bank. John jumped into the shallower water as the boat was pulled near. It was then that Jim saw, an unconscious or sleeping Dean, he prayed it was the latter, as the small boy seemed oblivious to the frantic attempts to get him ashore._

"_DEAN!" John's frantic yell, as he and Jim pulled the boat onto the bank, startled the small child awake. John instinctively grabbed his son from the boat as Jim helped Caleb and Mac from the water. John shakily ran a hand over the boys head, looking at him, making sure he wasn't injured. Dean's wide-panicked eye's took in the scene and uncharacteristically burst into tears. John pulled his son to his chest, "God, Dean, what were you thinking, why were you out here?" John could feel his son shaking against him, not knowing if it was the cool air or fear. John looked from Jim to a wet and shivering Mac and Caleb, each waiting for the boy to answer._

_A quiet broken voice gasped out, "Sorry Daddy…I'm sorry. I just wanted to feel like I was floating, like on a cloud, so I could feel closer to Mommy in Heaven." Dean returned his head to his father's chest. John felt like the air had been sucked out of his lungs at his son's revelation. Looking up again John saw Jim with his hand over his mouth, at a lose for words, then he saw Mac pull his own son closer as the small child's words became clear. John was barely able to contain the sob that threatened to escape his own throat as he realized his six-year old had found a way to feel closer to his mother that John now envied. He wouldn't discipline the child for this, though he would talk to him about sneaking out of the house. But he didn't have the heart to take the child's mother from him again._

_Jim, Mac and Caleb retreated toward the house to check on a hopefully still sleeping Sammy, leaving father and son to gain strength and some understanding from one another. Caleb recalled after the incident, that it was agreed by the adult that Dean would be allowed his time at the pond when he felt the need. The only rule was Dean needed to tell them that was where he was going._

Caleb closed his sketchbook as Atticus raced onto the porch, with the sound of two sets of smaller feet following. "I'm hungry!" Sammy whined as he climbed the stairs, he was still a little unsteady but Dean was close behind. Sammy then proceeded to climb up into the porch swing.

"Sammy, don't whine." Dean rolled his eyes as he looked at Caleb. Caleb smiled as Dean sat on the porch step next to him mumbling, "Kids."

Caleb stood, stepping toward the door, "Well, runt, what do you want?"

"Don't call me wunt!" Sammy stuck out a pouty lip, then seemed to think for a second, his face lighting up. "COOKIES!"

"Sammy!" Dean attempted to call his brother down.

"Can't have cookies…" Caleb again smiled at Dean, who was watching to see what the teen would offer. Caleb was as into junk food as the next teen, but he knew that little kids needed good food first. "…Unless…" Caleb continued as Sammy's crestfallen expression at 'no cookies' was soon replaced with the possibility of said cookies. "You eat some apples and peanut butter first." Caleb knew peanut butter was Sammy's weakness. The toddler would eat it all day if allowed.

"Peana butter!" Sammy clapped as Dean nodded his approval at Caleb's suggestion. Dean knew the peanut butter would make his baby brother forget all about the cookies.

Caleb walked into the kitchen, leaving the smaller boys on the porch, to prepare their snack of apples and peanut butter, with Jim's homemade lemonade. Caleb gathered everything he needed then proceeded to start peeling the apples. Glancing out the window, Caleb watched as Sammy ran after Atticus again. Dean following as he attempted to get his brother inside to wash up. Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through Caleb's head. "Augh!" He groaned as the knife and apple slipped from his grasp. One of Caleb's hands reached for his head as the other tried to find stability on the counter. As the blinding pain intensified, Caleb's hand hit the pitcher of lemonade, knocking it from the counter, shattering to the floor. With no solid surface to support him, Caleb felt his knees give out and he dropped to the floor, both hands now clutching his head. He barely registered Dean's panicked voice calling his name as images flashed rapidly in his mind.

_Atticus's attention was captured as one of the fish in the pond jumped up. So being a dog, he ran toward the pond, barking wildly, Sammy close behind._

"_Atticus, you come here! We have to wash!" Sammy attempted to scold the dog for not listening as the boy neared the pond. "Atticus Finch, come here now!" The small boy stomped his foot as he stopped at the edge of the pond. Atticus continued to bark at the water._

_Suddenly the dog turned, tail wagging happily, as he noticed he had been followed by his playmate of the day. Sammy stood about ten feet from the dog, with the animals fetch stick in hand. Assuming they were still playing Atticus ran toward the stick still held in Sammy's toddler hands. As Atticus lunged for the stick he knocked Sammy off balance and the small child fell backward into the pond._

_He was near the shade trees that sat on the edge of the water and as Sammy's small body fell backward his head hit one of the exposed roots, just under the surface, knocking the boy unconscious. Caleb watched as Sammy sank below the surface, Atticus sitting on the bank, stick in his mouth._

Dean had rushed inside when he heard the glass shatter to find Caleb on his knees, clutching his head. Dean hadn't seen it happen before, but he knew Caleb sometime saw movies in his head that were really important, but it scared the younger boy. He hated to see his friend in pain, so he dropped next to the teen, trying to offer comfort by rubbing circles on his back.

Feeling Dean's presence beside him Caleb inhaled sharply, whispering out painfully, "Sammy."

Dean looked at Caleb as he heard his brother's name escape the teen's mouth, "No, it's Dean. Sammy's outside." Dean answered as he thought Caleb wanted to know where the toddler was.

Caleb shook his head painfully as pain-filled eyes met scared ones. "Sammy…" Caleb's breathing was harsh, "…Pond!"

The look of recognition then fear passed over Dean's young face as the words registered and the smaller boy jumped to his feet, running out the door yelling for his baby brother. "SAMMY!" Dean's eyes went to the pond, where Atticus was sitting, with the stick in his mouth. "SAMMY!" Dean yelled again as he ran full speed toward the pond.

Caleb had made it to his feet as Dean's second yell reached his ears. As quickly as his unsteady feet would move, the teen was out on the porch, willing himself to regain his balance as he stumbled down the stairs, seeing Dean nearing the pond. Caleb took off in a stumbling run toward the pond as well.

Mac approached the familiar drive of Jim's farm with a feeling of warmth, knowing his son was here, along with the Winchesters. It had been over a month since he had last seen John and the boys and he was looking forward to seeing his extended family again. He pulled into the long drive and slowly made his way around the few ruts the late spring rains had created, that Jim hadn't leveled out yet.

As the farmhouse came into view, a feeling of concern showed itself as he saw the distant form of his son seeming to stumble across the yard. Jim had called earlier to let Mac know that Caleb and the boys were at the farm, while John and he were in town doing research. Fear shot through Mac as he also took in the smaller form of one of the Winchester boys further ahead of Caleb. Mac watched as he exited his Land Rover as the smaller form disappeared into the pond, he noticed Caleb trying to pick up speed.

"CALEB!" Mac yelled as he too took off running toward the pond and the boys.

Caleb heard his father's voice behind him, but didn't stop. He had just watched as Dean jumped into the pond that showed no signs of Sammy aside from Atticus' presence at the waters edge. As his name faded over the farm Caleb reached the pond and with the bond he knew he shared with his father, Caleb shouted out in his mind, "SAMMY!", as he too jumped into the water.

Mac nearly stumbled as the mental yell filled his mind, his son's panicked voice yelling, 'SAMMY!'

"Oh God!" Mac shouted as he watched his own son jump into the pond, the implications of what was happening finally caught up to Mac.

The doctor reached the pond as Dean broke the surface, not yet aware of Mac's presence Dean yelled, "Sammy!" Just then Caleb broke the surface with a limp form in his grasps.

"God, Sammy!" Mac yelled as he jumped into the shallow water near the bank, reaching toward Caleb, who was pulling the toddler to shore. Mac grabbed the lifeless child and stumbled back up the embankment.

Dean saw Caleb surface with Sammy and watched Mac pull his brother from the water. Caleb had climbed out and was reaching back to help pull Dean from the water. Mac had dropped to his knees a few feet from the pond, gently laying Sammy's still form on the ground. Caleb and Dean dropped on the other side. "Sammy!" Dean yelled as he grabbed at his little brother.

"Caleb…take him!" Mac glanced at his son, nodding toward Dean. Mac needed Dean back so he could help Sammy. Dean struggled as he felt Caleb pull him back, but the teen did not let go as they both watched Mac.

"Sammy!" Mac called out giving the boy a gentle shake. With no response Mac reached for the small child's neck. "No Sammy." he whispered as he lowered an ear to a still chest. "Nonono…" Mac mumbled as he straightened and tilted back Sammy's head, blowing two quick breath's, that barely moved the small, water filled chest. He then placed one hand over the child's heart and started compressions.

"Sammy!…Wake up!…Wake up!" Dean's frantic voice yelled in the background as Mac stayed focused on the task at hand. He knew Caleb would take care of Dean for the moment.

After what seemed like forever and several sets of compressions, Sammy gave a cough. Mac quickly turned the boy as his small body convulsed, attempting to expel the water from his lungs. Finally Sammy's breathing started coming out in ragged, shallow gasps. Mac checked his pulse to find it unsteady, but there. However, Sammy hadn't regained consciousness. Mac noticed a pink tinge to the water still dripping from the child's face. Looking up at Caleb, who was still holding a very terrified Dean, Mac made eye contact with pleading, gold-green eyes. "We need to get to the hospital, now!" Caleb understood as he rose, grabbing Dean as they ran toward Mac's vehicle. Mac close behind with Sammy clutched to his chest. Nearing the Rover, Mac called out. "You boys in the back, Caleb grab the blanket back there." Mac opened the passenger door, gently laying Sammy in the front seat, wrapping the blanket he'd taken from his son around the shaking boy. Dean had climbed in the back, but was now leaning over the seat, holding his baby brother's hand, pleading for him to wake up. Caleb kept his hand on Dean's back as the teen watched Mac start the car, turning around in the yard, speeding back down the driveway, heading the twenty miles into town and the hospital. Mac glanced several times at Sammy to check, making sure the child was still breathing. He then reached for his newly installed car phone, quickly dialing the number to the library that Jim had given him just that morning.

John and Jim were in the archives room at the library when one of the librarian's came in, telling Jim he had a phone call. There was phone in the same room, so the woman stepped over to it, hitting a button, handing it to Jim. John didn't look up, figuring it was Mac letting Jim know he had arrived at the farm. John's assumption was confirmed by Jim's greeting. "Mackland, have you arrived at the farm already?"

Jim's expression changed at the tension-filled sound of his friends voice over the phone. "Is John with you?" Mac asked.

"Yes, Jonathon is with me, we're…" John's attention was drawn to the Pastor as he heard his name mentioned. His concern going through the roof as Jim's worried eyes met his.

"Jim, I need you both to met us at the hospital." Mac glanced again at Sammy as he said those words.

"Mackland, what's wrong?" Jim motioned to John.

"Jim, there was an accident." Mac's voice was thick with emotion. Jim knew it must be something really bad, if the doctor, himself couldn't fix it.

"The boys?" Jim's question shot fear through John's soul.

"It's Sammy…Please Jim," Mac took a deep breath, "Just get here, we're pulling in now." With that the line went silent. John stared at Jim as the Pastor looked sadly toward John.

"Jim?" John's question in the other man's name asked a million questions in one.

"Jonathon, give me the keys, we need to get to the hospital. There was an accident." Jim took a step toward John.

Shaking his head John stepped back, gripping his keys tighter. "Jim? My boys?"

Jim reached his hand toward John's that held the keys, looking into the distraught father's face; Jim spoke calmly, hiding his own racing fear. "Jonathon, it's Sammy." Jim felt the man release the keys as color drained from his face.

"My baby?"

Jim wasn't surprised to see a break in the younger man's emotional barriers. Recalling the mornings earlier conversation, Jim knew that for some reason John's emotions were nearer the surface then the hardened man normally played them. Jim placed a guiding hand on John's arm as he lead the man to the car. "We're going to him now." Jim spoke as John mechanically climbed into the passenger seat of his own vehicle. Jim quickly slid in behind the wheel, bringing the powerful engine to life. He then squealed the tires as they left the parking lot.


	3. Chapter 3

Memories and Hope

Chapter 3

By Montez

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

A/N: Thanks again to Sensue for being my Beta on this story, you're wonderful. Sorry to my readers for the week wait between updates, I'll try and post at least two chapters each weekend. I hope this chapter meets with your approval. Thanks to everyone for reading.

Mac shut off the car phone as the hospital came into view. Sammy's breaths had become more labored in the short-time Mac had been on the phone. Dean hadn't relinquished his hold on his baby brother's hand the entire drive, nor his quiet mantra for Sammy to wake up. Mac pulled the Land Rover into the doctor's parking area next to the building. As Caleb and Dean exited the vehicle, Mac rushed around the car quickly extracting Sammy, he quickly maked his way toward the emergency room doors.

As Mac entered, a nurse glanced up, "I need help now!" Mac shouted as the nurse rushed forward. "Drowning," Mac answered the next question before the nurse had asked it. She quickly led Mac into the only trauma room the small hospital had. They were followed by a doctor and a couple more nurses, as well as Caleb and Dean.

"What happened?" The ER Doctor asked as he started assessing the small child. A nurse gentle pushed Mac back once he had laid Sammy on the gurney.

Mac's normally commanding voice, was shaking as he watched the hospital staff start removing the, still unconscious, child's wet clothing. "He…Sammy, he fell into a pond. He hit his head on something. He was non-responsive, I had to perform CPR," Dean made a whimpering sound as he remembered watching Mac pressing on his little brother's chest.

The ER Doctor approached Mac as the nurse's continued to hook up monitors to the child. "Do you know how long he was in the water?"

Mac hated that he didn't have the answers the doctor needed. "No I don't…" Mac turned to Caleb, "Caleb, do you know how long was Sammy in the pond?" Mac watched an array of emotions cross his son's face, knowing the boy was feeling guilty for what happened, even though it wasn't his fault.

"I'm not…" Caleb closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to think. "I don't think it was long, less than five minutes." Tears were in the teen's eyes as he looked pleadingly at his father.

Nodding the doctor returned to his patient and started ordering blood test and x-rays. Mac knew it was to see how much water was possibly still in the child's chest, though to Mac it seemed the small child had expelled nearly a ponds worth once he had started breathing again. Make caught a glimpse of Sammy's almost translucent face as it was nearly completely covered by the oxygen mask one of the nurses had placed there.

The first nurse that had met them in the hall came up to Mac. "Sir, if you could wait in our waiting room, we'll let you know something as soon as possible." She was gently steering Mac toward the hallway.

"I'm a doctor, I can help." Mac didn't want to leave Sammy alone.

The nurse sympathized with the man before her, she had seen relatives so desperate to help before, but she had also spied the two older children who were standing in the doorway. She nodded toward them as she spoke, "I think it would be best if you looked after them and let us take care of Sammy."

Mac turned taking in the wet, shaking appearances of Caleb and Dean, then looked at the nurse again. "Could someone check them out? They jumped into the pond after Sammy." Mac stepped toward the boys, watching as both never took their eyes from the activity surrounding Sammy.

The nurse's calm voice spoke again, "If you'll just follow me to one of our exam areas, someone will be down shortly. I'll get them some warm blankets in the mean-time." She started down the hall as Mac backed the boys out of the room.

Caleb was the first to speak as the teen looked into his father's face and saw fear reflected back. "Dad?" The older boy stood with his hands on Dean's shoulders, feeling the smaller boy shaking slightly.

Mac reached up and cupped his son's face, feeling the chill from the boys time in the water, then standing, still wet, in the cool air-conditioning of the hospital. "It will be okay, son." Mac tried to be reassuring, praying he wasn't lying to the boy. Mac then squatted down in front of Dean. He took in the seven-year olds pale, shaking appearance, cursing himself for not getting the boy a blanket before now. The older man watched the child's face as his eyes didn't leave the doorway of the room that held his little brother. Mac was becoming concerned when Dean had neither looked at him, nor made any comments. As Mac looked closely, his worry increased as he took in the glassy appearance of Dean's eyes. How could he call himself a doctor when he had been missing the first signs of shock in the small child. "Dean…" He took a hold of the boy's arms, "we need to get you and Caleb checked out, okay?" There was still no response, "Dean, you dad's on his way with Pastor Jim. We should get you warmed up and make…"

Mac's statement was interrupted as Dean started shaking worse; his panicked eye's meeting Mac's. "D…Dad? He's…mad?" Dean was almost to the point of hyperventilating before Mac even realized.

"No, he's not mad, Dean. He's worried about you both." Dean's breathing was becoming more labored, "Dean, you need to calm down, son." As the words left his mouth, Mac found himself lunging forward as Dean's eyes rolled back.

"Deuce!" Caleb's voice called out as he felt Dean drop from beneath his hands.

"Dean!" Mac yelled at the same time as he caught the now unconscious child.

The nurse was coming back down the hall at the moment Mac reached for Dean, "This room here." She quickly motioned to a room two doors down from where Sammy was being treated. Quickly the nurse handed Caleb one of the warm blankets, then helped Mac wrap Dean, whom Mac still held in his arms.

"He's in shock." Mac spoke as the nurse started taking Dean's vitals, Mac sat down with Dean still in his arms. He couldn't bring himself to lay another one of John's children on a gurney. At least holding Dean, even as the nurse checked him over, placing an oxygen mask on the child's face, Mac felt he still had a little control. Even though in reality Mac knew his control flew out the window when he had pulled into Jim's driveway and saw his own son stumbling across the yard. "That's his little brother." Mac gestured toward the hall, as the nurse seemed to understand the connection and what both these boys had witnessed.

"He jumped in after his little brother?" The nurse was slightly shocked that one as young as this boy would have the presence to try and help his little brother that way.

"Deuce…Dean got to the pond first…didn't even stop, he just jumped in." Caleb added, watching as the nurse finished her preliminary exam of Dean. His own eye's never leaving the still form now cradled in his father's arms.

The nurse spoke to Mac, "Keep him warm and leave the oxygen on. I'll have one of the doctor's come down here as soon as possible." She then turned and stepped toward Caleb, "Now young man I need to check you real quick, the doctor will want to make sure you're doing okay." She went about with a quick check of Caleb's vitals. Much to Mac's surprise Caleb didn't put up the resistance he normally would. The boy had bad memories of hospitals and usually begged to not to be taken to one or to even be touched by another doctor who wasn't his father. Once she was done she quietly left the room.

Mac's eyes searched out his son's, who was still watching the small child Mac had clutched in his arms. "I'm sorry Dad…" Caleb's voice lacked the normal confident, almost cocky sound. The tone sounding so much like the child Caleb still was. "…it, it was a vision…" Caleb's tear-filled eyes searched out his fathers, "…I couldn't." The teen closed his eye's as Mac saw tears spill out. His heart ached at the thought of his son having a vision of Sammy drowning. He knew how powerless his son felt when visions overtook the boys mind, it was a helplessness Mac himself felt, even at this moment.

"Caleb, son, you did a great job. Let's not talk about it now. Let's get these boys and yourself taken care of, then we can figure it out, but you did good son." Mac watched as tears continued down his son's face as Caleb's attention was drawn back to Dean. Mac, himself, fought back tears as he looked from his son to the still slightly shaking; unconscious child in his arms, his heart breaking at the life hanging in the balance a few doors away.

OXOXOXOXOXOXOX

John was silent the entire fifteen minutes it took for Jim to get to the hospital, never once commenting on how Jim was driving his beloved car. As the Pastor glanced at John it was clear the man was trying every trick he knew to keep his emotions in check. Jim had felt that today, for some reason, John's emotions were nearer to the surface then the hardened man usually played them. John's normal emotions were anger and stoic indifference. However, today, with the earlier conversation while watching the boys play in the yard back at the farm; Jim knew there was a chance the walls John tries so hard to maintain were going to crumble. There was a chance that a side of John that Jim had only seen once may again make an appearance; that of a fearful father afraid of loosing his children.

John snapped from his stillness as they pulled into the hospital parking lot. He was out of the car before Jim could shut-down the engine, running toward the Emergency Room entrance. Jim had to run to catch up. The Preacher made it through the door as John reached the reception desk. "My son was brought in…Sammy, Sam Winchester!" John's voice still held a hint of the authority it normally carried, but with a slight waver of emotion underneath.

The receptionist brought up Sammy's name, "The doctor's are still in with him, if you'll have a seat…"

"I want to see my son!" Jim recognized the temper starting to show when John didn't get what he wanted.

Jim gently laid a hand on the larger man's shoulder, then spoke to the receptionist. "Dr. Mackland Ames brought in the boy. He had two other children with him, could you tell us where he is?" Jim had done a quick scan of the waiting area across from the desk and hadn't seen Mac, nor Caleb and Dean.

John had stepped back rubbing his face. He wanted, needed to see his son, his baby and these people didn't seem to understand. His boys were all he had left of Mary and they weren't letting him see their baby.

The receptionist's voice broke through John's tormented mind as she motioned them toward the doors behind her desk. "I can take you to them; they are in another treatment area awaiting a doctor." Jim and John started to follow her, before the words had even registered in John's mind.

"Why are they waiting for a doc…" John's words were cut off as the receptionist pulled open the curtain and John caught sight of a still wet, though the hospital had given the boy dry scrubs to change into, slightly shaking, pale Caleb sitting on an exam table. John's eyes then traveled further to Mac's worried face, as the man met John's gaze. Mac watched his friend's face pale, as the hunter recognized the still form in the seated man's arms.

"Dean?" John whispered as he took a few steps into the room.

"He's in shock." Mac spoke quietly as John knelt in front of him, gently touching his son's arm.

John noticed Dean's wet hair and pale appearance, "Why's he wet?" John asked, looking at Mac.

It was Caleb's voice that caused John to turn toward the teen. "He jumped in the pond after Sammy." Caleb's voice was so quiet, so un-Caleb like, that it sent a chill through John's soul.

"The pond?" John's questioning eyes met Mac's again. "Mac, where's Sammy?"

"They haven't told us anything yet." Mac answered.

"Where is MY SON!" John stood, fear and anger flashed across his face. Mac glanced at Jim, who was just to the side of John, then returned his look to John.

"He's a couple doors down…John, I'm sorry." Mac watched as John bolted out the door, Jim close behind.

The scene that greeted them was out of every parent's worst nightmare. As the two men made it to the door, Jim heard the code being called. Several medical personal flooded the room as John and Jim entered the doorway behind them. The two men watched as the blanket covering Sammy's small body was pulled down as one of the doctors started chest compressions; a nurse forcing air into the small boys still chest.

"SAMMY!" John yelled as he made an attempt to get to his son.

Jim grabbed the larger man in a surprisingly strong grip. "John, no."

The men watched as Sammy's small form reacted, as a current was sent through his body in an attempt to start his heart. "God, Sammy…Please!" John's anguished cry was barely heard over the activity in the room.

OXOXOXOX

A couple doors down found Mac's heart nearly stopping as he heard the code being called and his friends cry for his son. "Dad?" Caleb's fearful voice called to him as tear-filled eyes met tear-filled eyes.

Again hollow words were spoken, "It will be okay." Mac's emotion filled voice spoke as he prayed he wouldn't become a liar. He held Dean just a little tighter, hoping the seven-year old wasn't going to loose his baby brother today.

OXOXOXOX

Jim felt John faultier slightly as Sammy was again shocked to start his heart. "We've got something!" One of the doctors shouted as the activity slowed, "I want him taken to x-ray and a rush put on his blood work. We need to monitor his breathing closely folks, let's move." John and Jim backed out of the room as Sammy was wheeled past, headed for x-ray.

John pressed himself against the wall as he watched his baby go by him, then disappearing through the set of double doors at the end of the hall. "Oh God." John whispered as his knee's buckled and he slid to the floor.

"Jonathon!" Jim turned as he heard his friend speak, just in time to slow John's descent down the wall.

Pain-filled eyes met Jim's, "Why?" John whispered out as sobs started to overtake him. "Why Jim? Why is this happening?"

"I don't know Jonathon, but we'll get through this." Jim squeezed John's shoulder, much as he had that night a little over two-years ago.

A doctor exited the room Sammy had just been wheeled from, "Mr. Winchester?" The doctor knelt in front of John. It was Jim who answered as John tried to get his emotions under control. "I'm Pastor Jim Murphy, a family friend. This is John Winchester, Sammy's father." The doctor shook Jim's hand.

John's choked voice spoke, "Sammy? How's my son?"

"What do you know about what happened?" The doctor asked.

Again it was Jim who answered, "We just arrived, our friend Dr. Mackland Ames brought the boy in, all we know was something about Sammy and the pond at my farm."

The doctor nodded, "Yes, apparently Sammy fell into the pond, we believe he hit his head on something, there is a laceration on the back of his head and he hasn't regained consciousness yet. CPR was performed at the scene."

John interrupted the doctor, looking at Jim, "God Jim, Mac had to do CPR on Sammy…Dean witnessed that." John covered his face as he whispered out the fear of realizing Dean had to watch as Mac tried to revive his baby brother. Jim squeezed John's forearm as he looked back at the doctor.

"What happened in there?" Jim motioned toward the now empty room.

"Drowning victims each react differently. Some have very few problems once the water is out of their lungs and after a quick exam, possible overnight stay, can go on to rebound quickly. With other's, their lungs want to act as if something is still interfering with the bodies ability to intake oxygen and it will cause their lungs to react as if water is still there. Their breathing would again become compromised, which will throw their heart into irregular beats as it tries to keep pumping blood that the body thinks doesn't have enough oxygen. It throws the whole system off until the brain realizes that the water is gone from the lungs, if any is left, it should only be a small amount and the body usually absorbs that on it's own." the Doctor paused, hoping he wasn't confusing the men before him. When the Pastor seemed to be keeping up the doctor continued. "What happened in there is, I believe, with Sammy still being unconscious, his brain is reacting slower then it normally would and caused his heart and lungs to think he still had water hampering his breathing, causing his heart to speed up, throwing the rhythm off enough for it to stop."

Jim glanced at John to see if the younger man was taking in all this information. "Why hasn't Sammy woke up?" John asked, his voice still thick with emotion.

"Sammy has a concussion, once we get the x-rays back we will see if he has a skull fracture, though I don't believe he does. I also don't believe the concussion is very severe in itself, but compounded with the near-drowning. It's just going to take his body time to recover from this." The doctor wished he could give the broken man before him the answers he knew the man wanted. "We will come and get you as soon as we have Sammy settled into a room. He will be placed in our ICU for closer monitoring. With this hospital being a smaller one, we don't have a separate Pediatric ICU, but I'll arrange it so that you can stay with your son once he is moved there." John nodded to the man. Noticing, even through his pain, that the young doctor was trying to give him hope that he would soon be with his son and that hopefully Sammy would recover from this.

"Thank you." John spoke quietly, as he slowly stood from his seat on the floor, his legs still feeling shaky. The doctor shook John's outstretched hand, then shook Jim's.

"I wish there was more I could do. Someone should be down to get you soon." With that the doctor turned and headed toward the same silver doors Sammy had been pushed through.

Jim broke the silence of the hall, "John, let's go check on Dean and Caleb." John nodded his head and followed the Pastor down the hall toward his eldest son.


	4. Chapter 4

Memories and Hope

By Montez

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

A/N: Again I want to thank Sensue for being my Beta. I also want to thank all the readers who are staying with me on this, I appreciate it. I wanted to take a minute to put credit where credit is due. First to Ridley James and her writers who created the Brotherhood AU. It's such a wonderful story line; I hope I can do it justice in my story. Also to all the other Brotherhood writers. I am using some of the ideas that I have read in others stories for some of my flashback/memories. They were such wonderful stories that they just stuck with me, and I wanted to make sure I give credit to the wonderful writers before me. I hope you guys don't mind. This is the next chapter, hope I don't disappoint. Thanks again and Enjoy!

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Chapter 4

Jim and John reentered the curtained area that contained Dean, Caleb and Mac. As Jim entered he again took in Caleb's appearance, the boy looked so vulnerable, not a normal look for Caleb, to say the least. Jim, himself, was guilty of sometimes forgetting that Caleb was only fifteen, still a child in an adult world, though he had suffered through more than most adults ever would. The first time, really the only time, Jim had seen this side of Caleb was when Mac and he had found the boy, nearly comatose, in a psychotic hospital after Missouri had sent Jim to New York because the boy was in trouble and had unintentionally called out psychically for help and Missouri, with her gift, heard the call, setting up events that would change all their lives, no ones more the Mac's.

Upon finding the boy Mac felt an overwhelming need to protect the then twelve-year old. So much so that Mac had taken on the former Knight of the Brotherhood, Daniel Elkins, who had thought the boy possessed, thus causing the deaths of not only the boy's parents, but foster parents as well. Mac had saved the boy from almost certain death that night in the hospital when Elkins had attempted to 'exorcise' the demon. Later that night Mac arranged to bring the troubled youth home with him and within a few months officially adopted Caleb. Though it had been difficult at times, dealing with all the emotional baggage that Caleb carried from the tragedies in his young life, Mac seemed to have taken to parenting the youth with an ease that birth parents were hard-pressed to find. Jim knew Mac dearly loved his son and that Caleb in turn respected and loved his father, one of the few people in Caleb's life that cared about what he wanted.

Jim noticed the teen's gaze never left the small, still form cradled in Mac's arms, even as John made his way to Mac. Reaching down, John gently took has eldest from the doctor's arms. Mac stood, allowing John to have the seat. They all watched as John sat down, holding his son close and only Jim wasn't surprised as they watched John Winchester's resolve break as he leaned his head down and cried into his son's soft blond hair.

"Dad?" Caleb's shaking whisper broke the silence as he watched his mentor break-down. Caleb didn't know what scared him more, the fact that Dean was still unconscious or watching one of the strongest men he knew crumble from the weight of what was happening to his children. To the teen, John was brick wall; nothing ever rattled the man, to see this side of the hardened hunter terrified Caleb. "Oh God, Dad, Sammy?" Caleb's panicked eyes met Mac's as the older man came to comfort his son.

Jim started to relay Sammy's condition. "They've taken Samuel to X-ray, but he hasn't regained consciousness yet."

Caleb turned to Jim, pleadingly, "But he's going to be okay, right?" Jim glanced at Mac, silently asking if he should continue, Mac nodded.

Caleb watched as the strongest people he knew were being shaken to their core, "Jim… Sammy's going to alright, isn't he?" The knot that had been in Caleb's stomach since his vision pulled tighter as he watched the Pastor rub his face; looking down at the floor for a moment, taking a deep breath, before he met Caleb's anguished gaze.

"They are doing everything they can. He will be moved to the ICU soon so they can monitor his breathing. It seems that with his concussion, his body is confused into thinking there is still water in his lungs, throwing his heart rate off, because it thinks the blood is lacking oxygen. That's what the code was for. They feel it will just take him a little longer to rebound from this. They are also concerned because he hasn't woken up yet." Jim let the statement hang in the air. He didn't know what else to say, though the doctor hadn't come right out and said it, Jim seemed to pick up that they were more concerned then they were leading on and that worried Jim immensely.

Mac reached to place his arm around his son, but Caleb pulled away. His eye's looking from the Preacher to his father, begging them to fix what was happening. Each man knew how much Caleb cared about Dean and Sammy, and like the Winchesters, tragedy connected the three children. Each adult feared another tragic out come would devastate, not only the boys, but the small, unconventionally family as well.

Caleb lowered his gaze to the floor, "This is my fault." he whispered out. Barely loud enough for Mac to hear.

"Caleb?" Mac again reached for his son, only to have the teen jump up, push past him and bolt from the room. "Caleb!" Mac left the room, trying to catch up with his distraught son.

OXOXOXOXOXOX

A few minutes later a doctor arrived, "I'm Dr. Mathers." the doctor extended his hand to Jim as John hadn't seemed to have noticed what had transpired over the last several minutes.

"I'm Pastor Jim Murphy; this is John Winchester, Dean and Sammy's father." The doctor looked at John, understanding the man's broken appearance. He had been informed that this was the family of the three-year old drowning victim.

Dr. Mathers glanced around the small area before turning his attention back to Jim. "I was told I had two young people to check over."

"Yes," Jim cleared his throat, still not being able to shake Caleb's guilt-laden voice. "Caleb is very upset by all that has happened today and needed to leave the room for a short time, his father is with him, they should return shortly." Jim silently prayed that Caleb didn't pull a disappearing act that he had been known for before coming to live with Mac.

Nodding, the doctor turned his attention to his smallest patient. "Mr. Winchester," Dr. Mathers voice was calm and comforting, "I need to look over your son." John didn't respond as he never raised his head from its resting place atop Dean's head.

"Let me try." Jim stepped forward as the doctor moved back. Jim knelt down beside John, laying a hand on John's arm. "Jonathon, they need to check Dean over, to make sure nothing else is wrong and to treat his shock. John…" the use of the shortened version of his name by the Preacher got John's attention. "we need you to put Dean up on the bed, okay?"

John raised a tear-streaked face, seeing the doctor for the first time. He then looked at Jim, "I'm not leaving him, Jim." Jim's heart broke at the broken sound of his friend's voice.

"John, you won't have to, but Dr. Mathers needs to check him over." John nodded as Jim helped the larger man stand, taking a few steps John gently laid his son down, already aching at the lose of the warmth that having his son near him provided. John then moved to the foot of the bed laying his hand over the child's small foot, as the doctor stepped up and started his evaluation.

"Where's Caleb?" John's grief-filled mind seemed to remember the teen being in the room with them.

"He's with Mackland." Jim answered. It seemed to be an acceptable answer as John kept his focus on Dean.

OXOXOXOXOXOX

Mac had forgotten how quickly his son could move. There had only been a few times since Caleb had come into Mac's life that the boy had been scared enough by something to run. It was one of Caleb's habits Mac had been desperately trying to break. Caleb had spent so much of his young life running from his pain, that in the rare moments it had happened since living with Mac, he would revert to his survival tactic and run. Fortunately the bond Mac had with the young psychic made it fairly easy to track him. Caleb had yet to develop his blocking techniques Mac had been trying to teach him.

Mac's mind could feel the pain his son was feeling. Though Mac didn't have the whole story, he knew that Caleb had experienced a vision of what had happened to Sammy. The older man also knew that when Caleb's visions turned bad the boy carried an unimaginable amount of guilt. Having lost sight of his son Mac stopped a moment and reached out to the boy. He felt a cold sweat breakout on his neck as his heart rate increase, he could almost picture where his son had gone. Mac searched frantically until he found the door he need, the stairway, racing up the stairs as fast as he could to the door that read: ROOF ACCESS.

OXOXOXOXOXOX

Caleb stood at the edge of the roof, overlooking the parking lot of the small hospital. It was turning into evening and traffic below was slow. The hospital was only a three-story building, not nearly as high as some of the bridges Caleb had scaled, but it allowed a view of a small portion of the town. There had been a few times in his life when Caleb felt totally out of control. When his parents had died was the first; he was six and had witnessed the murder-suicide which had forever scarred him. Then his grandmother's death, though it was a heart attack, he felt it was, in some way, his fault. Finally it was another murder-suicide, that of his foster parents of only two days. He had not physically witnessed the event, but it was one of his first visions. It had been so powerful, so real, that he felt like he was there watching it happen.

That had been the first time Caleb had felt compelled to take his own life. Feeling he, himself, was the reason death seemed to follow him, affecting anyone who got close to him. He vaguely remembered his case worker, Abe Sullivan, lunging for the gun the then twelve-year old had gotten away from a police officer inside a precinct lobby and having placed it to his head. He did remember the echo of the gun shot as Abe pulled the gun away at the last second. That incident, in front of a judge and several police officers had landed Caleb in a psychiatric hospital, drugged to the point of being nearly comatose. It was there that Mac had found him and literally saved his life, not only from himself, but from Daniel Elkins, the previous Knight in the Brotherhood, who was convinced Caleb was a demon.

The second time the thought crossed Caleb's mind, was literally for only a few seconds. It was the first anniversary of his parent's death after he had come to live with Mac. Caleb had become so overwhelmed with emotion that day that he had skipped school, another act of rebellion he had been into at the time, and found himself standing near the edge of a bridge with a rushing river flowing below. Caleb had returned home late that night, having not called to let Mac know where he was, Mac was extremely worried when the thirteen-year old finally arrived home. Mac wanted to know where he had been, but the teen had become belligerent, refusing to tell his adoptive father anything. Fearful at the sudden change in Caleb's behavior, Mac attempted to 'read' his son, feeling a surge of panic as he caught his son's brief thoughts of what the boy had, even momentarily, considered. Caleb had become so enraged at what he felt was Mac 'getting into his head', that it was the one and only time Caleb had become violent and tried to physically fight his father. Mac was easily able to block the assault, never once attempting to fight back. However, the emotions that poured from his son were so strong it was staggering. As Caleb's strength failed, Mac pulled his son to him as they both collapsed to the floor, the teen's defenses tumbling as the boy broke down and cried himself to sleep in Mac's arms on the floor of the living room.

This time found Caleb standing on the edge of a three-story building. He could see Mac's Land Rover and John's Impala below. Tears fell from his eyes as flashes of the vision entered his mind; seeing Sammy falling into the water, sinking below the surface. Caleb closed his eyes as he again visualized Dean jumping into the pond. He then felt himself jump into the water; his hands finding the small-lifeless form of Sammy on the bottom. He relived the feel of his father pulling the limp child from his grasp, onto the bank, watching as Mac performed CPR while he held back a terrified Dean. Then once at the hospital feeling Dean slip from his hands as the seven-year old collapsed from shock at what was happening to his baby brother. Finally, John's breakdown while holding Dean close was more than Caleb could take. He just couldn't handle the responsibility of someone else he cared about, he loved, dying, so he ran. He knew Mac would follow, but he couldn't stop his flight until he found himself here, only a step away from open space.

Mac reached the top landing, desperate to get to his son. He had feared this situation before, he knew of Caleb's guilt over those he cared about dying. The boy always felt it was somehow his fault, the demon side of his heritage taking away all he loved. No matter how many times Mac, Jim and John reassured the teen that he was in now way evil, that what had happened in his life was just tragic circumstances, Caleb still battled with himself over the feelings. As much as Mac knew his son cared for Dean and Sammy, he also knew his son would see this tragic accident as another indication that there was something evil about him.

As Mac pulled the roof access door open, nothing could have prepared him for seeing his son standing on the edge of the building, looking off into space. His heart felt like it was clogging his throat, stealing any air he was attempting to pull in. "Caleb?" He whispered out, not believing the sight before him. He tried to calm himself, to slow his step so not to startle his son, "Caleb? Son?" His calm voice masking the absolute fear that was consuming him.

"This is all my fault, Mac." Caleb's voice was unnervingly calm to Mac's ears, though he could feel the emotions rolling off the teen.

"No Caleb…" Mac spoke calmly as he stepped closer to his distraught son.

"You don't understand Mac." Caleb's use of his name, instead of Dad caused another skip of Mac's heart rate. He feared it was Caleb's way of trying to disconnect himself from Mac, to, in Caleb's terrified mind, make it easier to let go. "My parents, my grandmother, my foster parents and now Sammy. Mac I can't deal with this. I'm the connection to all of them, they're all gone because of me." Caleb's voice broke slightly as his back remained toward Mac.

"Son, Sammy's not dead. None of that was ever your fault, I've told you…" Mac was stopped by Caleb's angry voice.

"You've told me what you wanted to hear! What Jim wanted to believe! You convinced John to trust me with his kids and look what happened!" Caleb's breathing was coming out in ragged breaths. Mac could see his son's shoulders shaking as emotion was controlling any rational thoughts the boy would normally have. "Mac, everyone would be better off without me around!" Mac could feel Caleb's emotions pleading for help, even as the teen was struggling in his mind, trying to convince himself to take that last step.

"What about me, Son? How would I be better?" Mac heard his voice crack, but pushed through it; he needed to get through to his son. "You have only been in my life for two and a half years, but I honestly can't remember what my life was like without you. Caleb, you are that important to me that I don't feel I was living until you came into my life. So tell me Son, how would I be better off?" Mac stepped closer, "YOU are my life, I LOVE YOU! Please …none of that was your fault, but what you are doing now is in your control. Please, Son, I can not loose you!" Mac's voice shuttered again as he felt the conflict inside his son. The teen wanted so much to believe he was that important, but he was still holding onto the fear that he could loose those close to him.

Mac was one step away from his son when he saw the boy's shoulders drop. The doctor sensed what was happening before it happened, he lunged that last step, grabbing the back of Caleb's scrubs as the teen's resolve broke. With more strength than he felt he had, Mac jerked his son backwards as the boy's legs gave out from the loss of adrenaline as well as the emotional roller coaster that the last few hours had brought. His son's dead weight landed against Mac as they both slammed onto the roof, Mac's body taking the impact for both of them. Pulling himself upright, Mac struggled back a few feet as his back came to rest against the two-foot edging around the roof, never releasing the hold he had on Caleb. The teen's mind and body had finally given into the events of the day and Mac found himself, almost mirroring John's motions when he had taken Dean into his arms. Mac wrapped both of his arms around his unconscious son's chest and pulled him close, resting the boy against his own chest.

Tears started streaming down Mac's face as he buried his face into his son's hair, whispering, "I've got you Son…I've got you." The moments on the roof started to catch up to Mac as the realization of what could have happened truly settled into Mac's mind. He pulled his son tighter, never knowing a parent's absolute fear of loosing their child until that moment. A sob escaped as Mac's resolve broke and he cried into the teen's hair, again mirroring John's actions with Dean, only now, understanding the shattered expression his friend had worn. The same one Mac himself was now wearing.


	5. Chapter 5

Memories and Hope

Chapter 5

By: Montez

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

A/N: Just wanted to take a moment to again thank everyone who is still with me. I hope you are enjoying my story and that I am able to live up to the high standards of Ridley and all the other Brotherhood writers. Again THANKS!

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

Jim had been watching the hall since Caleb and Mac had left the room. Caleb's guilt-laden voice still echoing in Jim's mind. The teen's internal struggles have always been a concern, but this had been the first real incident, since coming into their lives that showed how powerful that struggle is within him. After a few minutes, the Pastor decided he was going to go look for them, Caleb still needed to be checked out himself by a doctor.

Jim quietly stepped up next to John, who was still watching the doctor examine Dean. "Jonathon, I'm going to go and find Mackland and Caleb, I'll be right back." John just nodded. His eyes never leaving his son. Jim turned and slipped out of the exam area, with no real clue where to look first.

OXOXOXOXOX

Dr. Mathers finished up examining Dean and turned toward John. "Will Dean be okay?" John asked quietly as he stepped closer to his son's side, taking the child's small hand in his.

"All his vitals look good, from what I understand he has been through a lot today. Physically he'll be fine; his lungs are clear, his temperature is slightly elevated, but I believe it's just his body's reaction to the stress of what happened. I am going to order some blood work just to make sure, but over all he should be fine." Watching as John released a shaky breath, the doctor continued. "The emotional trauma of today may be another matter. Speaking with the other doctors, I'm aware that Dean attempted to rescue his little brother, then watched as he was resuscitated, correct?" John nodded. "That's a lot for a small child to see. He's going to need a lot of support and understanding. It may not affect him today or tomorrow, but it will become an issue at some point and he will need you there for him." John closed his eyes as the doctor recalled what Dean had witnessed, it was unimaginable in John's mind of what his boy had endured, but he vowed to himself that he would make every effort to help his son as soon as Sammy was out of the woods and home.

John cleared the emotion clogging his throat and spoke again, "When will he wake up?"

"He could wake up anytime, though I think it may be a couple of hours at least. His body needs to recover from the stresses he endured today and the best way for that to happen is through rest. That was the reason for his collapse, his mind and body just became so overwhelmed that as a defense to protect its self it shut down. I'll come back in a little while and check on him, if you have any questions please ask."

The doctor turned to go, but John's voice stopped him, "Would you…Do you know anything about Sammy?" desperation filled the father's voice.

"I haven't heard anymore, but I'll see what I can find out." Dr. Mathers tried to give a reassuring smile to the father before him, but he could see that the man was so overwhelmed with worry for his children, that it nearly broke the doctor's heart at the fear and pain on the man's face.

Once the doctor left, John pulled a chair closer to the bed, he pressed the button to lower the bed, then dropped the rail on the side. As he sat, he placed a hand on Dean's head, running his finger's through the boy's short blond hair. Allowing tears to fall again, John laid his head next to his eldest son and gently laid his hand over the boy's chest. Just needing to feel one of his children's steady heart beat.

OXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Jim quickly searched the lower floor of the hospital, he was sure Caleb wouldn't have gone far and that he would have been able to find him and Mac quickly, but that wasn't the case. Jim was becoming concerned that maybe the teen had taken off, as he had been known to do in the past. As a last resort, he headed toward the parking lot thinking maybe the boy and Mac had gone outside for some air. He walked over toward where Mac's Land Rover was parked, the Impala not to far away, but saw no sign of the small family. He took a moment and leaned up against Mac's vehicle. Rubbing his own weary face, Jim closed his eyes and did the one thing that was as second nature to him as breathing. He prayed.

"Lord, I can not and will not attempt to completely understand all that has happened today. I have faith that your hand is guiding what has happened. I believe everything happens for a reason and that those reasons are not always meant to be seen by us mere mortals. But if there was ever a time a prayer would be answered, I truly hope this is one of those times. I'm not only praying for the recovery of our young Samuel, but Lord, I desperately need to find Caleb. The boy carries so much already, he shouldn't have to be burdened with this as well. So please Lord, help me find that boy." Jim again rubbed his eyes as he reopened them in the setting sunlight as night was approaching. He raised his head at the growing twilight; his eyes widened as he saw a lone figure standing on the edge of the roof, only to have that figure disappear from sight almost as quickly as it took for the sight to register in his mind. "Caleb?" Jim whispered as his feet started moving back toward the building, before his mind had a chance to send the command.

Jim tried not to draw to much attention to himself as he searched for the stairwell and started rushing up toward the roof. _'Please let him be okay, please let him be okay…'_ Was the mantra that Jim chanted in his head as he ran up the stairs, quickly making it to the roof access door. Not knowing what he was going to find on the roof, didn't matter once he exited the door and froze in place. The visual in the fading sunlight that met the Preacher's eyes, was something that would be burned into his memory for years to come. The sight of Mackland Ames leaning against the edging that surrounded the roof; cradling his beloved son in his arms, the man's face obscured as it was buried into the boys hair as soft sobbing carried over the empty roof, almost brought the Preacher to his knees.

Approaching quietly, Jim neared the huddled mass, his breath catching as he took in the pale sight of Caleb Reaves. Jim's heart clinched as he couldn't tell if Caleb was breathing or not, his quiet, shaking voice broke the silence. "Mackland? Caleb?"

Mac raised his head slightly at the sound of his friend's voice, "He collapsed." The Pastor found himself releasing a breath he wasn't aware he was holding, knowing that the teen was alive. Mac's quiet broken voice spoke again, "He was standing on the edge …on the edge of the roof, Jim." Mac's distraught eye's met Jim's, "I was so scared, Jim I could feel…I could feel him wanting to…God Jim," Mac again buried his face in his son's hair, pulling him tighter, "he wanted to jump." Mac's shoulders began to shake again as sobs overtook him at the thought of what his son wanted to do. Jim laid a gentle hand on Mac's shoulder as the devastated father battled his emotions.

Jim knelt beside Mac and Caleb for a few minutes, until Mac had calmed some, he then reached toward Caleb, lightly touching the teen's face. The cool, clamminess of the boy's skin, spurred Jim into motion. "Mackland, we need to get Caleb inside, so someone can take a look at him." Jim knew the rational Mac would have thought of that already, but the scared father before him was only wanting to hold onto his son, for fear of loosing him.

Mac looked again at the Pastor, "They can't know, I promised him back then, that he wouldn't have to endure what that doctor in the hospital we found him in did. He's not crazy Jim. He's scared." Jim remembered full well what Mac was talking about. The memory of the then twelve-year old restrained to a bed, nearly comatose at the psychiatric hospital they found him at wasn't something the Preacher could easily forget. Nor the immediate anger that came off Mac when he saw what the so-called doctor had done to the boy. From that time on Mac had vowed to himself and Caleb that it would never happen again. So Jim knew all to well what Mac was referring to about not letting the hospital staff know about what had happened on the roof.

Placing his hand on Mac's arm, Jim spoke, "We'll think of something, but we need to get him inside now." Jim was already pulling at Caleb to move him so Mac could stand up. It took a moment, before Mac untangled himself from his son, then with Jim's help they each pulled Caleb up to his feet. The teen was nearly as tall as both men and was starting the change from gangly teen to the shadow of the man he was so quickly growing into. It was slow at first, as Mac's own body protested the movements, having hit the roof with the weight of his son on top; it was something the Doctor would be feeling for days.

Once they made it to the stairwell, it was an even slower process, descending toward the first floor. Upon exiting the stairs, they came out near the treatment area the boys had been in. Jim caught sight of the doctor who had been examining Dean. "Dr. Mathers!" Jim's voice carried down the corridor as the doctor turned.

Turning to see who had called his name, the doctor was greeted to the sight of the Preacher he had met before examining the Winchester boy, as well as another man and what he could only assume was his other patient. Running toward the three as the men started to lower the boy to the floor, the doctor shouted over his shoulder. "Karen I need a stretcher and some help, now!" The doctor slide to a stop and knelt down as the man the doctor didn't know pulled the teen's head into his lap. "What happened?" Dr. Mathers put his stethoscope to his ears, the other end against Caleb's chest.

Mac spoke first, "I found my son collapsed in the stairwell, we came in with Dean and Sammy, Caleb was upset with what was happening…he…he needed some air, when I found him he was…" Mac's voice trailed off as the doctor was nodding his head in understanding. Jim was relieved that the doctor bought the story Mac had just given him, as he watched a nurse and orderly approach the unconscious boy.

Jim help the doctor and orderly lift the teen onto the gurney, then helped Mac stand as the ER staff proceeded down the hall with Caleb. It was the father, not the doctor in Mac that asked the next question, "My son will be okay, won't he?" Though in the back of Mac's mind he knew physically Caleb would be fine, it was the boy's emotional state that worried Mac more.

OXOXOXOX

John's attention was drawn to the commotion outside the curtained off area around Dean, when movement and loud voices were heard entering the area right next to Dean's. It was a familiar voice that caused John to stand and step toward the opening in the curtain. "My son will be okay, won't he?" It was Mac's voice that reached his ear's as John caught a glimpse of the person on the gurney as it was wheeled by, that person being a very pale, very still Caleb. John saw Mac follow the doctor and nurse into the exam area. Jim was following when John grabbed the Pastor's arm, "Jim?"

Jim saw as John's eyes look over toward the doctor examining Caleb. Jim place a hand on John's chest and lightly pushed the man back toward Dean's bed. "Jonathon, Caleb collapsed. I believe, like with Dean, it was from everything that has happened today." Jim wasn't ready to tell John that Caleb had been on the roof, right now he needed the younger man to focus on his children, letting Mac focus on Caleb, with Jim in the middle praying his family wasn't falling apart. Jim wanted to get John's focus back to Dean, "What did the doctor say about Dean?" John was still drawn to the activity concerning Caleb; Jim knew that John felt a connection to the teen, as they all did, like that of an uncle. "Jonathon?"

John turned looking at Jim, "Dean…the doctor said he should be fine." John sat heavily into his chair and again took his son's hand. "He's got a slight fever, but they don't think it's much to worry about. He just said, emotionally…" John rubbed his face, not completing the statement. Jim knew all to well the emotional toll this was going to take on all of them.

"Do they know when he might wake up?" Jim stood on the other side of Dean's bed, gently placing his hand atop the boy's head.

"Few hours, at least. They said his body and mind needed to rest." John's eyes again took in the sight of his sleeping child, wishing to see his son's green eyes again soon.

Jim's attention was split between John and Dean, and the activity going on in the very next exam area which contained Mac and Caleb. He sent another silent prayer that God would give him strength to help hold together his very fragile family.


	6. Chapter 6

Memories and Hope

Chapter 6

By: Montez

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

It was a single curtain that was separating the members of the unconventional family in the treatment area, so Jim took the liberty to pull it back once the doctors left Caleb. His prognosis was pretty much the same as Dean's; emotional stress most likely caused his collapse and, as with Dean, his body needed time to recover. He would also sleep for a while, allowing his system to recover, physically anyway.

Jim sat praying, a chair placed between the two bed's that held two of 'his boys'. John sat with Dean, occasionally running his fingers through the small child's hair. Mac would mirror the tender menstruations with Caleb, as well.

Jim worried daily about his family; the business of hunting was not a safe one by any means. With John's entrance into the fold a few years back he brought a new dynamic into the mix, John had come to hunting with two small children. Lone individuals were the norm for hunters, sometime couple's, but never someone with children so young. The Pastor knew that these boys would only ever know the world of shadows and evil, that's why he had tried so hard to make his home, 'The Farm' as the boys called it, as safe and normal of a haven as possible. Now with the tragic accident, none of them could have foreseen, threatening to tear apart that peace, Jim was left with nothing to do but pray that it wouldn't happen.

OXOXOXOXXOX

A couple of hours after Sammy had been taken for X-rays and additional test, a doctor entered the treatment area. "Mr. Winchester?" The doctor took in the exhausted, worried faces of the three adults he found.

John stood, not letting go of Dean's hand, "I'm John Winchester, How's Sammy?" Jim had come to stand next to John, Mac was watching from his spot next to Caleb's bed.

"Mr. Winchester, we've got Sammy settled into our ICU. His x-ray doesn't show any sign of a skull fracture from his head injury, but he is suffering from a moderate concussion. He has yet to show any signs of consciousness and until he was to wake up we won't know if any brain damage occurred due not only to the head trauma, but also from the lack of oxygen he experienced from the drowning incident." The doctor watched as the information sank in with the worried father.

"What do you mean brain damage? He's just a baby; you said there was no skull fracture." The fear John felt that his youngest would be anything other than the energetic, talkative three-year old just didn't register in his mind.

The doctor needed to reassure the father, but also prepare him, "As I said nothing is certain until he wakes up, but any time there is a head trauma we are concerned. Add into that the near-drowning… I'm not saying it will happen, but you need to understand it could happen."

John ran his hand over his face; his eye's looked from the doctor to his still sleeping eldest son. John couldn't imagine how Dean would be if anything happened to his little brother. John had often times seen guilt in Dean's face if Sammy got so much as a skinned knee. The older boy would feel that he should have somehow prevented it. How would all this effect the seven-year old? Hell how would it effect him?

"Can I see my boy?" John nearly whispered.

"Of course." The doctor answered, stepping toward the hall.

John turned to Jim, "Jim would you stay with Dean?" John's tear-filled eye's met Jim's as the Preacher gently squeezed the former Marines shoulder, a seemingly pathetic attempt of reassurance.

"You know I will, you go to Samuel." Jim watched as John nodded, then leaned down, kissing the top of Dean's head.

"I'll see ya soon, Ace." John said softly. He then leaned close to Dean's ear and whispered, "I love you, Son." With a quick glance toward Mac and Caleb, John turned and followed the doctor toward the elevator, toward Sammy.

OXOXOXOXOXOX

Jim took the chair next to Dean's bed, laying a hand on the boy's arm. He then looked over at Mac, "Mackland?

Mac's eyes were closed; one hand was on the side of his head, almost as if he was in pain. "I was worried about that." Mac's worried voice answered as he looked at Jim, "It took me a few minutes to get him breathing, and I have no idea how long he was in the pond." Mac again closed his eye's trying to remember what he had pulled into the drive and witnessed. "I had just gotten out of the car when I say Caleb stumbling across the yard. I saw Dean jump into the water, Caleb soon followed." Mac looked at the sleeping boy, running his hand through his son's hair. He was proud of his son, but still so scared for him. "Before you and John arrived he said he had a vision, I can only imagine it was of Sammy. I told him we'd talk about it later once Sammy was okay, but what if he isn't okay?" Looking once more at the Preacher, the Doctor's eyes were filled with pain and worry. "Jim, I'm a doctor, but I don't know how to help my son. I almost lost him on the roof. He…" Mac's voice broke as he replayed the images of the roof through his mind, "God, Jim, a part of him wanted to jump, I felt that from him. If something happens to Sammy, how am I going to save my son? How am I going to save Caleb?"

It took the Preacher a moment before he responded, silently praying for guidance. "Mackland, you won't have to deal with this alone, just as John won't have to, no matter what happens. We have to believe that Samuel will pull through this and these two boys here will be able to find the ground beneath them and recover from this as well." Jim looked at the still sleeping children and let out a deep breath, "We are a family, we will come through this together and be stronger for it."

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

John followed the doctor to the elevators, which took them to the second floor. John was quiet on the short ride, lost in thought of having to watch as doctors resuscitated his baby, Mary's baby. Quiet guilt was eating away at his soul as his gut had told him that morning he needed to stay with his boys. It was rare that John would just spend time with them, just being their dad. More and more he was becoming consumed by the hunt. He had been trying to push his emotions away, to not feel, just do. He had ignored the feeling and went into town to research another damn hunt instead of listing to his heart, the heart that belonged to the John Winchester; circa 1983, who would have listened and stayed with his boys.

As John and the doctor exited the elevator, John's pace quickened, his need to see Sammy becoming overwhelming. The doctor stopped outside the double doors that lead to the ICU and looked at John. "Mr. Winchester, I want you to understand that we are doing all we can. We haven't put Sammy on a ventilator, but if his breathing becomes compromised we will need to consider it. We are monitoring everything very closely; he is being given antibiotics to hopefully steer off any chance of pneumonia, which can sometimes occur when water has entered the lungs. If you have any questions please ask one of the nurses and they will page me."

"Thank you doctor, but I really need to see my boy." John said, eyeing the door. Nodding, the doctor pushed open the door.

The ICU was a small area, curtained off almost like the ER, but with larger areas to accommodate more equipment. The doctor stopped at the curtain right across from the nurse's station and motioned for John to enter. As John stepped through the opening, he let out a gasp. Sammy was a small three-year old, only having just turned three a few weeks ago, but seeing his baby lying in a regular size hospital bed he seemed so much smaller, tears again filled John's eyes. Sammy's tiny face was obscured by an oxygen mask. The distraught father could see lines running from the heart monitor to underneath the hospital gown, attached to his son's small chest. A small clip was also attached to the child's finger, reading the ever important oxygen levels in the still child's blood. One of Sammy's arms had a small board taped to it, holding it straight so the IV wouldn't become tangled.

"Oh Sammy!" John whispered as he willed his legs to move. At first he didn't wanted it to be his son, Mary's son. Their youngest child shouldn't look that fragile, but the mop of brown hair and small birthmark near the bridge of his nose confirmed it was indeed Sammy. John touched his son's hand lightly as his other hand went to the top of Sammy's head. This had been the first time since that morning, when John had put Sammy in charge of Atticus, that he had touched his baby boy. "God, I'm sorry Mary." John again whispered taking in the sight.

The doctor's voice barely broke into John's consciousness, "Again, if you need anything please ask the nurses." The doctor then walked the few feet to the nurse's station, but his attention was again brought back to the curtained area as one of the nurse's placed her hand over her mouth. The three medical personal watched as John Winchester, laid over his son and cried onto the child's chest.

John soon found a chair and sat heavily. One hand across Sammy's chest, while he ran the other over his own face. Then John started his vigil, he knew Dean was safe with Jim downstairs, so the disheartened father began his wait to see his baby boy's brown eyes again.

OXOXOXOXOXOX

John had been upstairs with Sammy for a couple of hours when Jim felt Dean start to stir. The Pastor stood, placing his hand on the boy's head. "Dean? Can you hear me?" Jim felt a small squeeze on his hand as Dean started to slowly blink his eyes. Mac took a moment from his son to come over to Jim's side, watching as the seven-year old attempted to wake. "Come on Son, can you open your eyes for me?" Jim again asked, as with each blink Dean's eyes opened more. Confusion crossed the smaller boy's face as he looked at the concerned face of the Preacher. "Dean?" Jim asked again, becoming worried at Dean's lack of response.

Mac took that moment to speak, "Dean, can you hear me?"

Mac, nor Jim, was prepared for the boys reaction; Dean's eyes went wide as his eyes met Mac's. Panic over took the child's face as his breathing became rapid, Dean's head started going back and forth as if searching the room. "Sa…Sammy…where's Sammy!?" Fear filled his voice.

"Dean!" When Dean didn't look at Jim right away, the older man gently took a hold of Dean's face. "Dean, look at me!" Jim's calm, but firm voice brought Dean's attention to the Pastor, but the utter look of despair was not something Jim was expecting to see in someone so young. "Dean, Sammy is upstairs; your father is with him."

"Sammy," Dean's breaths were still quick as his focus stayed on Jim. "He…he wouldn't wake up." The boy's voice broke as the small child lunged himself upward, wrapping his arms around Jim's neck.

Jim started rubbing the terrified child's back, "Sh… everything will be all right." Sitting down on the bed as Dean pulled himself the rest of the way into the Pastor's lap and cried into the man's shoulder. Mac's and Jim's eyes met as Jim held Dean close to his chest. Mac patted the boy on the back, then slowly made his way back to Caleb's side. The Preacher slowly rocked as Dean continued to cry. After a few minutes, red-rimmed eyes looked at Jim, then Dean turned toward Mac, taking in the still form of his friend, "Damien?"

"He's resting," Jim reassured Dean, "Just like you were. He'll be okay." Mac gave the child a weak smile and a slow nod.

"I wanna see Sammy." Dean said quietly as he looked back at Jim.

The Preacher reached for the call button, "Let's get a doctor to check you over, then we will see what we can do, okay?" Dean nodded, but didn't move from Jim's lap.

A short time later the doctor gave Dean a clean bill of health, physically anyway, and after a quiet conversation between Jim and the doctor. It was agreed that Dean could visit his baby brother in the ICU, but only for a few minutes as normally children were not allowed to visit that unit. Mac remained with Caleb as Jim, carrying Dean, followed the doctor upstairs.

Jim quietly followed the physician to the curtained area across from the nurse's station and stopped at the entrance. Dean's head was buried into Jim's shoulder until the small boy heard the Preacher call his father's name, "Jonathon?" Jim's heart broke a bit more at the despair-filled face of the eldest Winchester, but as Dean's little head rose to see his father, for a moment, Jim saw relief flash in John's face as he stood.

"Oh God, Dean!" John reached for his son as Dean nearly jumped from Jim's grip into his father's arms.

Immediately the boy started crying again. "Sorry Daddy…I'm sorry…" The child's sobs echoed in the quiet of the ICU.

John held his son tighter as he tried to comfort him. "It's okay, Ace. It'll be okay…you did good helping your brother." John felt little hands squeeze his neck tighter. ' _God how long had it been since I held my boys?'_ John's mind wondered.

"I didn't…" Dean's hitched whispers were heard, "Caleb…he saw the movie in his head…he fell…I tried to help…he told me…Daddy." Dean's broken voice was heartbreaking to John's ears, his child had been so terrified, not only witnessing Caleb's vision, but what he had seen with Sammy, John felt totally useless as to what to do as Dean tried to continue. "I lost Sammy in the water…I couldn't find him…I'm sorry Daddy." A new round of sobs broke free as John rubbed his son's back.

"You did help your brother, you talked to Sammy in the car. Mac said you talked to him the whole time. That helped, so he wasn't scared." Mac had tried to tell John what little he knew of what happened, but none of the adults knew all the details of the accident or of Caleb's vision. "I'm proud of you son, you did help your brother." Dean's constant apologies were tearing at John's soul.

Dean's sobs calmed as his quiet voice spoke again. "I want to see Sammy." John turned, stepping back toward Sammy's bed. Jim followed, having stayed silent through the exchange between father and son. Dean untangled himself from his father and stepped toward the bed holding his little brother. Rising on his tip-toes Dean reached carefully, as far as he could, to put his hand on his brother's chest. The older boy remembered Mac pushing on Sammy's chest and wondered if it was sore from that. He hadn't been sure why Mac had been doing it, only that he had never seen Mac look so scared. Dean stood a few minutes feeling the thump against his hand, he watched as his hand rose and fell as his baby brother breathed. "Please wake up Sammy…Please." Jim and John heard Dean whisper.

Jim knelt down next to Dean, "Dean, remember the doctor said you could only visit for a few minutes, we need to go back downstairs to Mac and Caleb."

John looked at Jim, "How is Caleb?" In his worry for his own children , John had momentarily forgotten, Caleb was also a patient in the ER.

Jim stood as he spoke, "He's the same. Hopefully since Dean has woken up, Caleb will soon. Once he is awake and checked out by the doctor, I'll have Mackland take the boy's back to the farm."

"I wanna stay here!" Dean spoke stubbornly.

John knelt next to his son, taking a hold of the boy's arms. " Ace, I wish you could, but they only let Daddy's stay up here. Maybe when Sammy get's a different room you can comeback and stay. Until then I need you to listen to Jim and Mac, it would mean a lot to me if you didn't give them any trouble, okay?" John pulled Dean into his arms, "I'll call you as soon as Sammy wakes up."

Dean looked longingly at his brother, they had never been separated and it scared Dean, but he understood his father as well. He was to be a good boy and do what he was told, "Yes, sir." was the only response Dean gave his father as John released the boy, who obediently took Jim's hand.

Jim looked at John, "I'll let you know when Caleb wakes up." The Pastor noticed John wasn't looking at him, but at Dean. Jim noted the concerned look that crossed John's face as he looked at Dean. When the Preacher glanced down at the boys at his left, he was almost shocked at the difference. Dean's tears were dried up and an almost unreadable expression was on the seven-year olds face. Jim again looked up at John and noticed a disheartened look, "Jonathon?"

John shook his head slightly, "Tell Mac I'll call when Sammy wakes up." John reached a hand to Dean's head, "I love you, Ace." The expression was said far to little and John knew it was his fault, but something in him told John that Dean needed to hear it now. The worried father was answered with a quiet, "yes, sir" again. It was then that John realized something had been broken inside his son and as before, after the fire, John wasn't sure how to fix it. With a nod Jim turned, John watched as Dean and Jim walked back toward the silver doors they had come through.

OXOXOXOXOXO

When Jim and Dean returned downstairs, Mac immediately noticed the difference in the small child. It formed a knot in Mac's stomach to see a child so young have such a blank expression on his face. The boy was no longer crying. He looked like he never had been. He seemed to be allowing contact only as an obligation, rather than in need of comfort. Mac watched as Dean climbed wordlessly back onto the gurney and lay over. "I'm tired." an eerily flat voice came from Dean, as the boy curled up.

"You rest now, you'll be able to go back to the farm when Caleb wakes up, okay?" Jim gently touched the seven-year olds head.

"Yes, sir." Was Dean's answer as his eye's closed, soon followed by the even breathes indicating sleep had overtaken the child once again.

Jim seemed to sink into the chair next to Dean's bed, rubbing his hand over his weary face. "Jim?" Mac spoke softly, "Is Sammy okay?"

Tired eye's met the doctor's gaze, "He's the same." Jim replied.

Mac nodded toward Dean, "What happened?"

Shaking his head the Preacher leaned back in the chair. "Honestly, I'm not sure. One minute he was clinging to John's neck, crying. The next he just seemed to shutdown." Jim released a tired breath, "It reminds me of when we first met him, remember? Before he started talking."

Mac nodded, he remembered the quiet, withdrawn four-year old he had been introduced to a few months after the fire that had claimed his mother's life. "It still took him several months before he'd talk to us." Mac concluded.

"To us maybe," Jim's eyes traveled to the still form of the dark-haired teen lying in the bed next to Mac. "but you do remember who he started talking to first?"

Mac's eyes went to his son, "Caleb."

Jim nodded again, "Caleb. Let's hope when Caleb wakes up he will be able to help Dean again."

Mac rubbed his face., "I just hope Caleb will let me help him. I'm really worried Jim, we don't know what frame of mind Caleb will be in when he wakes up. Whether he will be able to help Dean or even himself." Mac couldn't shake the feeling he had gotten from his son before the boys collapse. It was like nothing Mac had ever had to deal with from the teen.

Jim understood Mac's concern; this incident would their 'trial by fire' so to speak. They had never had to deal with Caleb's issues on such an extreme level before and Jim worried with Dean's shutdown that it wouldn't allow the boys to draw comfort from one another as they usually did.

OXOXOXOXOX

Nearly an hour after Jim's return with Dean, Caleb finally began to stir. At first it was a deep intake of breath that caused Mac to stand, leaning over his son, so the teen would see his father when he opened his eyes. Mac watched as the boy's eyes moved rapidly back and forth behind his closed lids. "Caleb? Son can you hear me?" Caleb's head started to move back and forth, as his breathing sped up. Mac gently shook Caleb's shoulder, not knowing if he was dreaming or having another vision as Caleb started making a moaning, almost whimpering sound. "Caleb, I need you to wake up!" Mac's voice becoming more concerned. Jim watched from next to Dean as Mac attempted to wake the teen.

Mac had just moved, going to reach for the call button when Caleb sat straight up, "SAMMY!"

Jim felt Dean jerk at the shout of his brother's name, his eye's opened as he watched Caleb.

"SAMMY!" Caleb yelled again.

"Caleb, it's all right…Calm down, Son." Mac tried to reach his son as a nurse entered.

"Is everything okay?" She asked as he looked at Mac trying to calm the teen.

Jim turned toward the nurse, "He's just woken up." The woman moved to step closer, but Jim stopped her, "Please, give them a minute."

Caleb's eyes were wild as if in a frantic search, "I can't find Sammy!" his voice broke.

Mac took his son's face and held it until the teen met his eyes. "Caleb, Son, look at me…look at me, Son."

"Dad!?" Caleb's eyes registered recognition, "God Dad, Where's Sammy? Please…" the pleading in his son's voice tore at Mac.

"Caleb, he's upstairs…he's in the ICU…you got to him in time Son…it's okay." Tears finally fell from the older boys face as Mac pulled his son to him. He felt Caleb latch onto him with such force that Mac felt he was literally keeping his son from slipping over an invisible edge. An edge Mac desperately wanted to keep him from as well.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry." Caleb cried into his father's shoulder.

"It's okay." Mac whispered near Caleb's ear. Not really sure if it was okay, but he needed Caleb to believe it was.

The nurse broke the uneasy silence, "I'll come back in a few minutes."

Jim took his eye's from Mac and Caleb, looking at Dean. He was still curled on his side, the blank expression still in place. The only difference was the lone tear that escaped the younger boy's eye.

The nurse returned a short time later with a doctor. Caleb had calmed, but would no longer meet anyone's eyes. His answers to the doctor's questions were single word, monotone responses. Once the doctor gave the okay for the two boys to be released the nurse left to get their discharge papers. Mac and Jim stepped into the hallway for a second. "I want you to take the boy's home. I'll stay here with John. He said he would call if there are any changes." Mac agreed. They needed to get the boys back to a familiar setting where, hopefully, Mac could talk to his son, but also to help pull Dean out of himself.

Mac walked back toward Caleb, who was now sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. "Are you ready to go, Son?" Mac placed a gentle hand on the teen's shoulder.

"Yeah." Was the only response from the older boy as he stood, waiting for further direction.

Jim stood next to Dean's bed. "Dean, Mackland is going to take you home. Your daddy or myself will call when Sammy wakes up, okay?" Dean looked at the Preacher again with an unreadable expression. Mac stepped to Dean, putting his arms out as if to pick up the smaller boy, but Dean ignored Mac's arms and dropped from the bed. Then as if mirroring Caleb, Dean stood awaiting further directions. Mac and Jim shared a concerned look, then Mac placed his hand on Dean's shoulder, steering him and Caleb toward the exit. Mac realizing as he walked with the two withdrawn boys at his side that it was going to be a tough process, getting either to open up about what had happened, but he was determined to get through to both boys.

Jim sent up another silent prayer as he watched half of his broken family head back to the farm, to uncertainty.

A/N: This a huge THANK YOU to Sensue, this was tough chapter for me to write and she was wonderful in her help. You're Amazing!

Thanks to everyone who is still reading you all keep me going-THANKS!


	7. Chapter 7

Memories and Hope

Chapter 7

By Montez

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

The car ride was silent, though Mac didn't expect any different. Caleb was in the passenger seat, staring out the window. Mac was resisting the urge to 'read' his son; he knew that wasn't an option, just yet. Dean was curled up in the back seat, staring at the back of the seat that he had leaned over on the way to the hospital, where he had desperately pleaded for his baby brother to wake up.

As Mac again pulled into Jim's drive, the feeling was more oppressive then when he had pulled in earlier, before the tragic accident that landed the youngest member of the family in the ICU, fighting to survive. Once he put the vehicle into park, Mac sat for a second, trying to figure out what to do next. That was answered for him as Dean quickly opened the rear door and ran toward the house, bypassing a barking Atticus.

Caleb had yet to move, Mac got out and rounded to the passenger side, opening the door and kneeling next to his son. "Caleb?" His son still hadn't met the Doctor's eyes since he had regained his composer at the hospital. Mac spoke quietly, "Son, this isn't your fault…please?" Mac wanted so badly to hear his son's voice, to see a spark of understanding his boy's gold-green eyes. However, the expression that met Mac was one of anger and self-loathing. Without comment the teen brushed roughly past his father, almost knocking Mac over as the older man attempted to stand. Mac then watched his son retreat to the house as well. With a weary shake of his head, Mac closed the car door and followed the boys inside.

The silence was eerie inside the farmhouse, knowing two boys were inside. Mac headed up the stairs going first to Dean and Sammy's room. There he found Dean staring out the window, "Dean?" Mac walked up behind the small boy and attempted to place a comforting hand on the child's shoulder only to have Dean to step away, not acknowledging the Doctor's presence. Clearing his throat, Mac spoke again, "We have to believe Sammy will be all right Dean. You did a great job today, helping your brother." There was still no reaction from the seven-year old. "I'll fix us something to eat, I'll call you down soon." Mac reluctantly left the quiet boy, figuring he just needed time to process everything.

Mac would have cut through the doorway that connected Dean and Sammy's room to Caleb's, but he noticed that the door was closed. That bothered the older man as the door between the rooms was never closed. He wasn't sure if Dean or Caleb had closed it, but it was symbolically keeping the boys apart when they were, possibly, going to need each other the most. Mac walked into the hallway toward his son's door, which was surprisingly open. Caleb sat with his back to the door, looking at the floor. Mac knocked lightly on the doorframe, "Caleb?" Without saying a word the teen quickly came to the door and effectively slammed it in his father's face. Mac stood for a moment as the sound echoed throughout the house. He placed his hand against the now closed door, then leaned his head against it. He could sense the turmoil his son was in, but he also knew from experience that he would not be able to get through to his son if he pushed. Reluctantly, he decided to give the teen some space, to sort his feelings out, they would talk later. Exhaling deeply Mac turned and headed downstairs.

When Mac entered the kitchen, he took in the shattered pitcher that once held lemonade, as well as a knife and half-peeled apple that littered the floor. The Doctor assumed this was where Caleb's vision had taken place, apparently while he was getting the boys something to eat. That suspicion was confirmed by the jar of peanut butter on the counter; Sammy's all time favorite food.

As the older man started to clean up, his mind wondered to the few times since Caleb had come into his life that Mac had witnessed one of the boy's vision. He recalled the first time it happened; it was a couple of months after the adoption. Mac knew the boy had vision, but he had yet to experience one in their short time together. The Doctor remembered the feeling of helplessness as he watched his newly adopted son clutch his head, crying out in pain. He had barely been able to catch the teen as the boy's legs gave out as the vision consumed him. The cries were heartbreaking and terrifying for Mac to watch, as the unresponsive boy trembled in the Doctor's arms. After what seemed like an eternity to Mac, Caleb slowly came back to awareness, his breathing evening out from the gasping the vision had brought on. Once able to get his bearings Caleb had insisted that Mac call Pastor Jim, the boy relayed that he had witnessed someone being attacked by a horrific creature. From the description, Mac knew the boy was describing a Rawhead and that Bobby Singer (a fellow hunter) was tracking one. The phone call was placed and Jim was able to get help to Bobby in time.

Though exhausted by the vision, Caleb was little effected physically from the ordeal. Mac, however, had been sorely unprepared for the gut-wrenching fear that came from witnessing Caleb's vision. It was never easy to see his son consumed by the horrors his vision's brought, but Mac came to recognize the signs and had been trying to help Caleb to accept them when they came, rather than fighting them, to possibly lessen the pain that came with them. But nature was wicked in the body's automatic response to fight the pain they caused, always leaving the teen exhausted after the experience.

Mac couldn't help by worry that Caleb had this vision with no adults around to help. Nor by the fact it had been solely witnessed by Dean. Though the older men had explained to Dean that Caleb sometimes 'saw movies in his head', so the younger boy wouldn't be terrified if it happened, they never would have dreamed Dean would be the only witness.

Finishing the clean-up Mac found some leftover meat-loaf and made them all a sandwich. He then called upstairs, "Dean…Caleb! I've got us something to eat." Though he wasn't hungry himself, Mac knew he needed to get the boys to try and eat. Within minutes Dean had come down, the blank expression still on the boy's face as the child slowly made his way to the sink and washed his hands. Once he had sat down Mac place the sandwich in front of the small boy, but Dean didn't move to take it.

"Caleb!" Mac again called. The Doctor had dealt with the teens reluctanteness to not eat when upset, it had happened before. So Mac glanced at Dean, who was still sitting motionless, then Mac picked up a plate and went up the stairs toward his son's room. He knocked quietly, "Caleb, I've go you a sandwich Son. Please…you need to eat." When he received no response, Mac released a deep breath, "I'll put it in the refrigerator for you." He turned and headed back downstairs to Dean.

The small boy hadn't touched his plate and Mac really didn't think the boy would. He knew the child had only come down because his father had instructed him to listen and that was something Dean was very good at. Mac picked at his own sandwich before removing both plates from the table. Dean took this as his signal he was excused and quietly made his way back to his room.

It was late evening and Mac found himself sitting in the hallway between the doorways of Dean's and Caleb's rooms. Dean was curled up asleep on Sammy's bed. Caleb's door was still closed, but Mac felt that his son had finally fallen asleep. And even though Mac knew he would pay for it in the morning, he leaned his head back against the wall as a fitful sleep overtook him.

--

Mac was awaken in the early morning hours to the squeak of one of the floorboards. He glanced at his son's door, seeing it was still closed. With his body protesting, Mac raised himself off the floor and stepped into Dean's room. There he found Caleb sitting on Dean's bed watching as Dean slept in Sammy's. Sometime during the night Dean had latched onto WooBee, Sammy's beloved stuffed animal. Caleb didn't acknowledge his father's presence, though he knew the man was there. Mac watched his son and could barely make out the long-dried, trail of tears that was on the boy's face.

"Caleb?" Mac spoke softly, so not to wake the smaller child. The older man could still feel the emotional turmoil his son was in, but thanked God it wasn't to the extreme he had felt at the hospital the day before. As Mac stepped closer Caleb abruptly stood, again roughly pushing past his father, leaving the room. Mac ran a tired hand over his face; he wasn't sure how to handle this. Normally, Caleb would have opened up to him by now. Mac needed his son to open up. Glancing down at the sleeping seven-year old, the Doctor pulled the blanket up over the boy's shoulder, then turned to find his son.

Mac heard the bang of the cupboard door as he neared the kitchen. With no coffee yet, Caleb grabbed a glass and filled it with water. His back toward Mac as the teen stared out the window, into the darkness of the early morning. He had just raised the drink to his mouth when Mac spoke. "Please, Son, I need you to talk to me." Mac watched as the boy tensed.

"What do you want me to say?" Caleb's voice was flat, but Mac took it as a good sign that his son was at least responding.

"You can tell me what happened, what you saw. I want to help you, but I can't if you won't let me in." Mac took a slow step fully into the kitchen. He jumped slightly when Caleb slammed the glass onto the counter, surprisingly not breaking it. The teen whirled around angrily.

"You want to know what, Dad?! You want to know how I watched another person I care about…I love die before my eyes! You want to know what it was like to see Sa…" Caleb's voice cracked, "Sammy sink below the surface of that damn pond, to look into Dean's eyes as I tried to get him to understand what was happening?!" Anger as well as pain was rolling off Caleb as he took a step toward his father, "Or do you want to know what it was like to grab that baby off the bottom of the pond," Caleb's harsh breathing was coming out quickly as he gestured toward the window and the pond beyond, "knowing…knowing I was to late…that I couldn't…" The teen's voice trailed off as he was fighting to control his emotions.

"But you did get to him in time, Son." Mac took another step toward his son.

"That's only because you showed up in time. If you hadn't pulled in, we'd be planning a funeral. Hell, Dad, we still may have to!" Caleb's anger was getting the best of him as he seemed to spit the words out.

"We won't…Sammy will be fine, we have to believe that. If not for ourselves, then for Dean." Mac was now within touching distance of his son.

"Deuce…" Caleb's voice broke again, despair filled the teen's eyes as he thought about the broken child.

"This wasn't your fault. You have to believe that." Mac wanted so much to pull his son to him, but he was still trying gauge the range of emotions his son was bouncing between.

Anger seemed to overtake the teen again as he looked coldly at Mac. "You know, the sooner you realize death follows me, the sooner you can put me somewhere where I can't hurt anyone else!" Caleb moved to go past his father, "You all would be better off without me!" he mumbled.

As the boy again attempted to push past his father, Mac grabbed his arm, "No Caleb!" Mac, again hearing that statement from his child, felt fear consume him. What Mac wasn't prepared for was the right hook his son hit him with in an attempt to get free. Mac stumbled, loosing his footing and landed heavily on the floor. _'Damn that boy can throw a punch.'_ Mac's mind raced as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. When Mac's shocked eyes searched out is son's he saw absolute terror in them as Caleb looked from his clinched fist to his father on the floor.

Caleb's mind didn't register the punch he had thrown until he heard his father's yelp of pain as the larger man crashed to the floor. The teen looked at his hand as if it had betrayed him, then turned his terrified eyes to his dad, who was staring at him, shock clearly on his face.

Before either could speak the floorboards near the kitchen entrance squeaked as they both took in the sight of Dean standing there.

"Deuce?…Dean?" Both Caleb and Mac spoke at the same time. Each praying the young boy had not just witnessed what had happened.

Dean made no comment in response as he walked quietly toward the refrigerator. The small boy reached into one of the drawer inside, removing a cold pack that was kept there as part of the first aid supplies that were kept in the house. Dean then turned, handing it to Mac, "Dean?' Mac spoke as he took the cold pack from the child's hand. Mac watched as an expressionless Dean glanced at Caleb before he turned and left the room, again heading up the stairs.

Mac's eyes came back to his son's as the teen watched the space Dean had just left. When Caleb finally looked back toward his father, Mac noticed fresh tears rolling down in son's cheeks.

"Oh God," Caleb whispered as he took a shaky step toward his father, quickly dropping next to Mac. "Oh God Dad…I'm…I'm sorry." Caleb was almost afraid to touch his father; he never imagined he would ever be capable of striking the man who had taken in the troubled boy, who loved him as nobody, aside from his parents, had. Caleb couldn't imagine what Mac thought of him now, so the teen was astonished when he felt Mac pull him into a tight hug. Without a word the boy seemed to melt into his father's arms.

"It will be all right, Son. I promise, it will be all right." Mac whispered as Caleb held on, as if, for dear life.


	8. Chapter 8

Memories and Hope

Chapter 8

By: Montez

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

As nights went, this one ranked second only to the night Mary had died, for the worst nights of John Winchester's life. He had been awake for over twenty-four hours, his fear not allowing him to sleep. It was the irrational fear that Sammy would slip away in the night.

John sat, holding vigil over his baby boy, his anxiety rising when Sammy started running a fever around 1:00 a.m.. After another round of blood work and a late night x-ray, it was confirmed that the small child had, indeed, developed pneumonia. As the bacterial infection set up in the unconscious child's lungs, John watched as his youngest son grew paler, almost by the minute. The doctor's started a course of antibiotics, in hopes of stopping the infection early, as the child's body was already weakened by the trauma of the near drowning.

Jim watched from a distance. He alternated between bring John what passed for coffee, from the waiting room vending machine, to visiting the hospital's small chapel. Not only praying for Sammy's recovery, but for guidance in helping his friend through this ordeal.

As the first light started to filter through the windows near the nurse's station, Jim approached John. "Jonathon?" the Pastor's calm voice broke the heavy silence, "You should try and rest, or at least stretch you legs a bit. You're not going to help Samuel if you exhaust yourself."

Jim watched as John rubbed a weary hand over his tired eyes. "I'm afraid I'll loose him." John whispered out.

The Preacher understood how John was feeling, the man had endured so much, his absolute fear was loosing his children. However, Jim also knew wearing himself down wouldn't help John either. "The doctor said Samuel was stable, his temperature hasn't risen anymore in the last several hours." Jim felt he needed to get John up, if just for a few minutes. "How about a walk to the cafeteria, for some fresh coffee? It won't be long, you need a break."

John nodded slowly, he knew his friend was just as worried about him as the Pastor was Sammy. If it had been Jim in this position John would be trying to do the same thing. "Fifteen minutes Jim, that's it." John slowly stood and leaned over toward Sammy, "I'll be right back, Son. You hang in there, I love you." John then turned to join Jim who had stepped to the nurse's station to inform them that they would be back shortly. The nurse assured Jim if anything changed they would be paged.

The walk to the cafeteria was quiet, as Jim kept pace with an obviously exhausted John. Once they had gotten their coffee John paused as they passed a window near one of the deserted waiting areas. Jim watched as his friend stepped toward the window, watching the sunrise. "Was it just yesterday that the boys were laughing and playing at the farm?" John whispered out, emotion lingering in his voice, as tears filled his eyes.

Jim stepped up to his friend placing a comforting hand on the younger man's shoulder. "You have to believe that in a few days the boys will be laughing and playing again."

John's spoke again, "You know, two years ago I would have listened to my heart and stayed home with the boys." John took a deep breath allowing some of the times he had with Mary and the boys to fill his mind, before he spoke again. "There was this one time, about two months after Sammy was born, it was a Saturday that I was suppose to be off at the garage. We were backed up and we needed the money, so I volunteered to work." John glanced at Jim, "Just because I was co-owner didn't mean money wasn't tight, you know?" Jim nodded, the Pastor was waiting to see where John was going with his story, as John spoke so little of his life before Mary's death. Getting a glimpse of John's life before hunting seemed like a privilege. "Anyway…." John continued.

--

_July 1983_

_John had just gotten out of the shower and reentered the bedroom when he noticed Mary had woken up. He leaned over and kissed her, "Morning Sweetheart," He spoke softly. "What you doing up so early, Sammy's not awake yet?"_

_Mary stretched, turned and raised up on her elbow, "He will be soon enough." she said with a smile, she loved having another baby in the house, even if it meant the midnight feedings. She watched as John moved around the room, getting ready to leave. "Isn't there a way you could stay home today? Dean's been begging to have a picnic."_

_John hated having to work the overtime on the weekends, even though he was co-owner with his best friend Mike, money had been a little tight since Sammy had been born. John loved that Mary had given him another beautiful baby boy, he hated that he had to spend so much time away from them. "You know the extra money helps," he noted a slight look of disappointment. "I just want the best for you and the boys." He sat down on the bed next to her, "I'll try and get off next weekend, we'll go then. Promise." John leaned down and kissed her again, "Tell Dean I'll play catch with him when I get home, I love you." With that John headed out the door._

"_I love you, too." Mary whispered to the now empty room._

_John had made it about half-way to the garage and was sitting at a red light, when he felt a little flutter in his stomach. 'I really should have stayed home, I seem to do nothing but work lately', he thought as he sat there. Then it hit him, like suddenly turning on a light in a dark room. "Why am I doing this?" He said out loud. Something inside him started telling him just how lucky he was. "Yeah, I am lucky," he spoke again as if answering himself, "I've got a beautiful wife, who was actually crazy enough to fall in love with a jarhead like me." he chuckled a little at that, because when Mary would get frustrated with him that's what she'd call him, "I have two beautiful little boys, that are growing up so fast…" John's words trailed of as it finally occurred to him what he needed to do. His heart and soul was yelling at him, ' enjoy them before they grow up and move away and you wonder where the years went.'_

_With that last thought in his head John turned around in the Quik-mart parking lot and headed back toward home. As he pulled into the driveway, the door of the house flew open and a little blond haired, pajama clad, buddle of energy came running down the front stairs, "DADDY!"_

_John scooped him up as he rounded the car, "Hey Ace, how you doing this morning?"_

"_I'm good, Mommy said you was at work." Dean's little arms had snaked around John's neck as the youngster squeezed tight._

_John returned the hug as he smiled at Mary, who had stepped out onto the porch, still clothed in her bathrobe, cradling baby Sammy in her arms. John's mind yelled out, 'how could you forget you're married to an angel?' He smiled to himself as he came up the stairs. "Not today, Buddy." John replied to his son's comment._

"_You forget something?" Mary was surprised to see John back already._

"_Yeah, I did," He said as he stepped to her, kissing her again. "I forgot how lucky I was." He then leaned over and gently kissed Sammy on the head, Dean still clinging to his neck._

_Mary looked at him a second with an amused look, "You Okay?"_

_John gave her the grin she fell in love with, the one that lit up his whole face and made his eye's dance. "Yeah, I'm okay. I love you."_

"_I love you, too," She still couldn't figure out what was going on._

_John looked from Mary to Dean and asked, "How about a picnic today, Ace?" John gave Mary a wink._

"_YIPEEE!" Dean started bouncing in his daddy's arms. _

"_John, are you sure?" Mary looked surprised, "What about work?"_

_John put his arm around his wife as they turned back toward the door, "I've never been more sure. I'll call Mike and tell him I'm going on a picnic with my family." As they entered the house, John sat Dean down, who then started his non-stop chatter about what he wanted to take on the picnic. John stopped and looked at his family and wondered, 'How did I not see how lucky I am?' _

--

John exhaled as he finished talking, then he looked at Jim. "That was the day that picture was taken. That was one of the best days of my life." The hunter turned his attention back out the window as he fell silent.

Jim recalled the picture he had glimpsed inside John's journal, it was a picture of the family; Mary was holding Sammy and John was holding Dean, they all looked happy. It had saddened the Pastor to think that the family had been torn apart so cruelly. That the man he saw in that picture; so happy and full of life, had been reduced to the man John had become; the broken, hardened hunter.

It was another moment before John's quiet voice was heard again. "I didn't listen to that little voice yesterday, the one that told me to stay with my boys and looked what happened. My baby boy nearly died and Dean…" John ran is hand across his face again, "God, Dean had to witness everything, he had to deal with that without me… what kind of father am I?" Another tear escaped John's eyes.

Jim wasn't sure what to say. Getting a glimpse of the man John once was, contrasted with the man Jim knew, but he never doubted that John loved his boys. "Jonathon, you love your children, I see that when you look at them. I may not always agree with how you go about things with them, especially with Dean. How you have already started training him…" Jim put his hands up as he saw that John was attempting to defend himself on how he's raising his boys. "But I can understand. I've never doubted that you care for your boys. It may not help what has already happened, but it has reminded you of how important they are to you." Jim paused a moment, trying to see if what he was saying was any comfort to the younger man. "They are strong boys, Jonathon, as are you. You all will come through this and be stronger for it, you have to believe that."

John closed his eyes as the Preacher's words flowed over him, giving he a sliver of hope that he so desperately needed. Yes, he loved his boys, more than life its self; yes, he has made mistakes and he was sure he would make them again. But this accident made him realize that he needed to focus on the boys more, he needed to get Sammy better and, hopefully, it would be the key to helping Dean, to helping them all. "I need to get back to Sammy." John took the last drink of his coffee, throwing the cup away as he headed back toward the elevators.

"I'll call Mackland, then I'll be back up as well." Jim said as he watched his friend enter the elevator. The Pastor then turned to find a pay phone.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Mac sat holding his son. The older man knew the punch had been thrown on instinct. He just prayed it wouldn't be something else for Caleb to add to the list of things the teen felt guilty about. "It will be all right." Mac whispered into his son's hair as he felt Caleb hold on to him just a little tighter. The Doctor hated that he couldn't just sit here forever; comforting his son, but there was a very traumatized seven-year old upstairs that needed to be checked on. "Caleb, Son…" Mac whispered, "I need to check on Dean."

Caleb pulled back from his father, Mac already missing the warmth from his son. The teen took a deep breath, brushing his hand across his eyes. "I'll go." Caleb spoke softly as he got to his feet, reaching his hand down to his father, helping Mac up.

"Are you sure?" Mac said, unconsciously rubbing his jaw, as he watched his son shift uncomfortably.

"I need to do this…" Caleb looked at Mac, determination set in his gold-green eyes. "I'm…I'm sorry Dad, I didn't…" the teen's voice trailed off as tears again appeared in his eyes.

Mac gently touched his son's face, "I said it was all right, I know you didn't mean it." He said as he pulled the teen to his chest. "Go check on Dean." Mac whispered as he released Caleb, watching as the teen made his way toward the stairs. Mac took a seat at the table, placing the cold-pack Dean had given him to his jaw, thinking to himself, _' Once all this is over, I'm really going to have a serious talk with John Winchester about him teaching my son to throw punches like that.' _

--

Caleb slowly made his way toward Dean's room. The blank look on his friend's face told Caleb that the smaller boy had witnessed everything that had happened in the kitchen. The look also stirred up forgotten memories for Caleb. As the older boy stood in the doorway of Dean and Sammy's room, the teen saw the seven-year old sitting in the window seat that overlooked the farm; particularly the pond and the barn. Caleb stood for a moment as his mind flashed back to almost two years ago when he had first been introduced to a very quiet, very lost, five-year old.

_Early 1984_

_Caleb had arrived at Jim's farm with Mac. Pastor Jim had called the Doctor saying that Missouri had put him in contact with a man who had witnessed his wife's death by unnatural means. Jim had invited the distraught man to the farm to help explain more about the shadow world that existed within the real world. Caleb, himself, had been told some about what Mac, Jim and another man named Bobby Singer did with regards to protecting people from the things that lurk in the shadows, when Mac had been severely injured on a hunt with the other two men._

_Mac had filled Caleb in on what little they knew about this new man; John Winchester, on their trip to Kentucky. Caleb knew that this man was desperate to know about what had taken his wife. However, there was a catch in regards to the newcomer; he had two small sons he was bringing into this life, a ten-month old and a very withdrawn, to the point of being mute, five-year old._

_Jim had asked Mac to come to not only meet John, but to see if he could help the older child as well. Caleb wasn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of being stuck at the farm with a total stranger and his freaky kids, but the thirteen-year old didn't have a choice. The teen figured he'd hide out in Jim's library or maybe explore the woods that surrounded the farm, while Mac tried to work his magic with the Winchesters._

_Pulling into the farm, Caleb quickly noticed the sweet ride sitting in the Pastor's driveway. A '67 Chevy Impala, great condition except for the light coating of dust. The spots of shiny black paint spoke of a car that was normally well maintained. Caleb was into classic cars as much as the next teenage boy, so the sight of the vehicle immediately changed his perception of this John Winchester. If the guy loved a car like that, then he couldn't be all bad._

_As Caleb and Mac entered the backdoor, Caleb's ears were immediately assaulted by the wails of a crying baby, not something the teen had ever been use to. In the kitchen, there was a rather large man standing near the stove, trying to calm the screaming machine while warming a baby bottle in a pan. The man looked up at the sound of the door opening, instantly, he shifted the baby away from the newcomers, eyeing them suspiciously._

_Cautiously, Mac stepped past Caleb, extending his hand. "I'm Dr. Mackland Ames, this is my son Caleb…you must be John Winchester?" The younger man nodded, but didn't accept Mac's hand. The teen watched as the man shifted nervously as he took in the new arrivals. Caleb, himself, was doing his own assessment; the man stood as tall as Mac, so he had to be nearly six feet tall. This Winchester guy was definitely more muscular than Mac, the small baby against the guys broad shoulders seemed out of place. The strangers face was dark, Caleb had to think for a second as he tried to find a way to describe him; weary came to mind, edgy, cautious, but mostly the man seemed sad. Not the kind of sad because it rained on a day you planned something outside. This sadness permeated the man's soul, reflected through his eyes. It was a look that made Caleb feel for the man. It was a look the teen could relate to because, until he had come to be with Mac, it was a feeling he knew all to well._

_A hint of movement drew Caleb's attention from the man to the doorway of the kitchen. There he watched as another child walked into the room, stopping abruptly. The small boy took in the sight of the new strangers standing in the room with his father, then cautiously, more so than a normal five-year old would display, he moved toward his father. The teen watched as the child didn't say a word as the man knelt down and whispered something into the child's ear. Caleb was curious, but Mac had warned him about 'reading' this family, because Caleb's skills were still less than subtle. So the teen watched as the only reaction to what was said to the boy was his reaching to take the baby, who had stopped crying and was nearly as big as him, from his father's hands. The man handed the older boy the bottle as well, then the child, wordlessly left the room._

_Just as the children left the room Jim walked in. "Mackland, Caleb glad to see you made it safely." The teen allowed the Preacher to pull him into a hug, only slightly rolling his eyes. Jim didn't seem to noticed Winchester's guarded stance as the man watched the exchange. "I see you both have met Jonathon?" Jim turned and looked at John, who only nodded. Caleb watched as Jim asked John if he had found what he needed for Samuel, whom Caleb assumed was the noise maker._

"_Yes, thank you Jim." John's voice was rough, it seemed to fit his appearance, Caleb thought._

_After the initial meeting, Caleb didn't remember much of the day as he attempted to stay out of the way. He wasn't sure what to make of the man or his children, and the older of the two was a complete mystery to the teen. So Caleb spent his day observing. Mac had tried to talk to the quiet boy, but it was to no avail. Later that night Caleb was able to get Mac to reveal some of the Winchester's story. The part that struck a nerve in Caleb was that the older boy, who he found out was named Dean, had lost his mother to what appeared to be a supernatural fire. Mac explained that Missouri had done a reading at the Winchester home after the fire and told Jim it had been 'pure evil' that cause the fire and tragically touched this family. Caleb found himself relating to the mute boy. The teen had witnessed his parents death to what could only be described as evil, as Caleb's mind remembered the black look that had overtaken his father's eyes before the murder-suicide. Caleb knew what it was like to loose his parents at such a young age and now he was faced with another child who, though he still had one parent, had lost the other to something similar to his own tragedy._

_It was the next day that Caleb found the small boy sitting in the window seat of the room Jim had fixed up for the children. The teen decided he's take a chance and try to talk to the kid. The older boy noticed the five-year old tense as he neared, so instead of coming any closer, Caleb sat down on the floor a few feet way, pulling out a deck of cards from his pocket. _

"_So, you're Dean?" Caleb spoke as he took the cards from their box, shuffling them. "My name is Caleb." The only response he got was that the kid was looking at him. "I see you're the quiet type…" Caleb glanced up again as he continued to shuffle the cards, "…I'm usually quiet too." Caleb took two of the cards and formed a triangle on the floor. It was the start for a house of cards. "You know, my dad… that's Mac, the guy with the funny mustache…" Caleb chuckled as he continued to add cards to his stack. "He told me something bad happened to your mom and that you haven't talked since." Glancing up again, the teen saw tears fill the smaller boy's eyes. Clearing his throat the Caleb continued, "You know, I know how you feel." He watched as Dean's eyes met his. Caleb nodded his head, "Yeah, I was just a little older then you when my mom and dad died." The older boy noticed the confused look he got, "Mac adopted me a few month's back. He's like a new dad, anyway…" the teen shrugged as he laid a card flat across his first level to start the next set. "I think, maybe, that what happened to your mom and my folks, it kind of connects us. So if you wanted someone to talk to, I know how you feel, I'd understand." Caleb looked up from his cards again and noticed Dean had moved from the window seat and had inched his way across the floor, directly across from the teen. _

_As Caleb placed the next two cards on his house it collapsed. Dean's eye's went wide as he looked at Caleb. "That's okay,' The older boy spoke, "We can start again. You want to help?" If Caleb had blinked he would have missed the subtle nod the small boy gave him. "Okay…here." Caleb handed the child two cards, then picked up two more for himself. "You have to be real careful and place them together easy…see?" Caleb placed his two cards together to show Dean. The small boy attempted the same, but his first try failed. "That's okay…" Caleb handed Dean two more cards. "Just try again, mine always fell at first, but you'll get it." The teen showed Dean again and on his second try the smaller child's cards stayed up. Caleb caught a hint of a smile from the boy at his accomplishment. Caleb handed Dean two more cards and watched as the boy proceeded to get the next set up as well. Though Dean never made a sound, something in Caleb made him feel that he had connected to the broken child._

_They sat for almost an hour, building and rebuilding the house of cards, when Caleb heard Mac's voice approaching the room, followed by John Winchester. It took Dean a minute to realize his father had entered the room as he was focused on putting his cards together. Caleb saw tears fill the man's eyes as he watched Dean interacting with someone other than his baby brother. Caleb's voice broke the silence, "Dad?" Caleb was worried about John's reaction. Dean had now stopped and was watching his father and Mac._

"_It's okay Caleb, we'll talk later, but everything is okay." Mac wanted to reassured his son that nothing was wrong._

_John cleared his throat as he looked from Caleb to his son. "We just came to see about lunch…" John smiled slightly at Dean. "I was wondering what Dean might want to eat?" John didn't know if Mac's approach of asking for Dean's input on things would get his son to talk again, but he was to the point where he'd try anything. So John waited to see if his son would react. _

_Mac watched too, he was proud of Caleb, because according to what John had told him about Dean, the boy wouldn't interact with anyone except his baby brother. However, they had entered the room to find Caleb and Dean building a house of cards. Mac knew Caleb had taken it upon himself to interact with the quiet child and it warmed his heart to see his son so compassionate._

_John and Mac watched as Dean looked at his father, who had just asked what he wanted for lunch. Both men could see the child wanted to answer, but just wasn't sure how. Dean looked at Caleb who was also watching him, "You gonna suggest something? I'm starving." Caleb tried to encourage the boy as well. However, everyone in the room was surprised when Dean got to his feet and walked over to Caleb and leaned over, seeming to whisper into the teen's ear. Mac heard John's quiet gasp at Dean's action._

_Caleb was equally surprised as he listened intently to the small voice speaking in his ear. Dean then stood as Caleb looked at him, "You sure?" Caleb asked, confirming what he was just told. It was another subtle nod, then Caleb looked at his, then Dean's father. Both men seemed anxious to know what the small boy had said. Caleb cleared his throat as he seemed to understand the importance of what he was about to relay._

"_Caleb?" Mac asked._

"_Dean said he'd like to have macaroni and cheese, if it was okay?" Caleb looked at Dean who again nodded, then looked back at the adults. _

_John had tears on his face as he had just watched his son communicate for the first time in nearly four months. John's broken voice answered. "Macaroni and cheese it is."_

_Caleb caught a hint of a grin on the five-year olds face as John came over and hugged the child. "Thank you." John whispered to Caleb, over Dean's head. Though John was disappointed that Dean wasn't talking to him, his boy was at least talking to someone and to John that was a start._

_From that day on, for a couple of months Caleb was the only person Dean would verbally talk to. Mac would catch the two boy's talking over in a corner, or out on Jim's porch swing, but as soon as an adult came close, Dean would go quiet. During that time, it was agreed that Caleb would stay at Jim's farm with Jim and the Winchesters. Mac would hire a tutor to keep Caleb up on his schooling, but he felt the connection Caleb and Dean had made was to fragile to take away from the younger child. So while Jim began teaching John about the supernatural, Mac would go back and forth between Kentucky and New York, while Caleb stayed with Dean, until the day Dean started talking to his father once again._

_Ever since that day Caleb had felt a connection to Dean that went beyond just friendship. It was a connection that, maybe, in the grand scheme of things, they were two boys who shared such tragic starts that it was meant for them to find each other, to connect to each other despite the eight-year age difference. Over those two months he had spent with Dean back then, it was then that Caleb had started to refer to the boy as 'Deuce'. Because even though he had never gotten to find out if his mom would have had a boy or a girl, Caleb was indeed thrown a wild card when Dean Winchester was introduced into his life._

_--_

But now, Caleb felt like he had been thrown back those two years and was again facing that lost, broken child and he needed to find a way to get through to him again. He just hoped he could.

Caleb quietly walked into the room and sat down on the window seat beside Dean. He glanced out the window, feeling himself shutter as he took in the sight of the pond. Caleb closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. When he spoke he was looking at Dean's profile as the smaller boy continued his vigil, looking out the window. "I'm sorry, Deuce." Caleb's voice was almost a whisper. "I'm sorry you had to see what happened downstairs. I was scared and angry and I lost it. I never meant for you to see me like that. I was so worried about how I was feeling, that I forgotten about how you were feeling." Caleb watched for any acknowledgement from the child and felt his heart sink when he didn't get any response. "Deuce, I'm sorry about Sammy, that you had to see all that yesterday. I truly wish I could have stopped it from happening. I would do anything to change what happened, to have protected you from that, but I can't and we…" Caleb's voice cracked slightly. "We have to believe Sammy will be okay, but right now I'm worried about you. You can't lock yourself away like this. I want to help you, Mac wants to help you, but we can't if you don't let us. Please, Deuce, Please don't shut me out." Caleb stopped; he didn't know what else to say. He just sat watching Dean; the only movement was a lone tear that escaped down the quiet child's cheek. Caleb reached over, giving Dean a hug only to have the smaller boy stiffen himself against the touch. Caleb then kissed the top of Dean's head as he stood, "I'll give you some time, okay? But I need you to talk to me, please Deuce." Caleb walked to the door as Dean remained facing the window. "You know where to find me." Caleb headed back downstairs to his father, his heart heavy with concern for his friend.

A/N: Thanks to all who are still with me. Also again a HUGE THANK YOU to Sensue, my wonderful Beta. Next chapter coming soon!


	9. Chapter 9

Memories and Hope

Chapter 9

By: Montez

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

Before Jim returned to Sammy's room, he had called Mac to check on the boys and to let him know how Sammy was doing. From the conversation, Jim had determined it hadn't been an easy night at the farm either. According to Mac, both boys had remained silent and withdrawn, until this morning when Mac mentioned he had finally be able to get through to Caleb. Though just from Mac's tone, Jim could tell it hadn't been an easy process. The Doctor also informed the Preacher that Caleb had attempted to talk to Dean, but to no avail. As they ended the call, the Pastor informed Mac he would call if there were any changes in Sammy's condition.

Upon returning to the ICU unit, Jim found a very worried John standing next to Sammy's bed, as another doctor was looking over the child. "Jonathon?" The Pastor asked stepping up next to John.

"His temperature is going up." John whispered as the doctor ordered the nearby nurse to again change antibiotics.

Once the doctor left Jim looked at John, "How high?"

John let out a shaky breath, "It's 102.5 now, they thought the medication was working, but it started climbing right after I came back." John finally sat down, not releasing his hold of Sammy's small hand.

Jim watched as slight shivers had started to take over the small child's frame. "Do they know why his fever is rising again?"

The distressed father ran his hand over his weary face, then looked at his baby boy. "The just keep saying with everything he has been through, his system is getting tired. Making it harder for him to fight the pneumonia." John looked up at Jim, "Jim, I honestly don't think they know what the hells going on. It's like they keep guessing with the medication…it's just…" John hung his head as the Preacher heard the younger man's voice crack, "God, Jim, I'm scared…I can't loose him too…I can't." Despair filling John's eyes as he looked up, placing his hand against his son's pale face. Jim noticed the light sheen of sweat the covered the unconscious boy's face, as he laid a hand on the worried father's back. For once the Pastor stayed silent, not sure there were any encouraging words left to say, as Jim, himself, was beginning to fear there was a chance of Sammy slipping away.

The day wore on as the two men continued their vigil over the small child, who's fever continued to climb. Additional measures were taken in an attempt to lower Sammy's temperature. A nurse had brought in a bowl of cool water, to wipe over the feverish boy. Jim watched as John, almost robotically, wrung the cloth out and wiped his son's face and along the child's arms. Cold packs were also brought in to lay next to the boy, as was chilled saline. However, despite all the procedures that the staff had performed, by midnight Sammy's temperature had reached a very dangerous, life threatening level.

A grim faced doctor came into the room to speak with John, who had continued with the cool cloth over his son's feverous body. Without stopping John spoke first, "It's not working is it?" Jim watched his friend as the fear escalated in his face.

The doctor shook his head, "I'm sorry Mr. Winchester. We have tried everything we know to do, but no, it doesn't seem to be helping and I fear…" the doctor took a deep-breath, this was news he never wanted to give to a family, especially the family of a small child, "If Sammy's fever doesn't break soon, he may not make it through the night."

John's head shot up, looking hard at the doctor. "What?"

Jim placed his hand over his mouth, not wanting to believe what the doctor was saying.

The doctor looked sadly at the distraught father. "I'm sorry, but there's just nothing else we can do."

John shook his head slightly, as if not really understanding what the doctor was say, "You're telling me…you're telling me my baby could die?" John strangled on the last word, as if speaking it was going to make it real.

"If the fever doesn't break, yes, Sammy could die." The doctor watched as the hope this father had left the man's face. "The human body wasn't designed to withstand this high of a temperature for long. Again, I'm sorry."

John looked at his small boy, the shivering had become worse throughout the day, giving the false impression that the child was freezing, when the cruel reality was his body was literally baking itself to death. "Sammy." John whispered.

Jim watched as something passed over John's face, it wasn't something he could put a name to, just he noticed a shift in John's body language. The younger man raised his face, meeting Jim's eyes. "Jim, help me." The Pastor stepped toward the bed, as John reached toward Sammy.

"Mr. Winchester, what are you doing?" The doctor watched as John started removing the cold packs that were nestled against his son. Jim wasn't sure what John was doing, but he trusted his friend and followed the man's lead. The physician stepped forward, attempting to stop John's actions.

John turned on the man, despair and a hint of anger in his voice. "I'm going to hold my son."

"Mr. Winchester…" the doctor was cut off, by John's emotion filled voice.

"No…you're standing here telling me my baby is dy…is dying. If that's the case…" A tear escaped John's eyes, as he cleared his throat, his voice coming out determined. "I held him on the day he was born. If…if this is his last night, I'm damn well going to hold him. I want him…" The father's voice broke again, "I want him to know I'm here. That I love him."

With that John turned his back to the doctor and continued to remove the packs and blankets cocooning his baby boy. Jim felt tears in his own eyes at hearing John's comments. The Pastor watched as John gently lifted his son. "Jim, please, hold him so I can get up here." John's voice was a strangled whisper. Jim reached, taking the child from his father's arms, as John climbed into the hospital bed. The Preacher, then gently laid the unconscious boy back into his father's arms. Jim attempted to straighten Sammy's IV and oxygen lines, as John pulled the blankets back up, laying the cold packs back against the child. Taking a shaky breath, John looked at the doctor. "You do what you need to, but this is what I need to do."

John settled back against the raised bed, cradling his dying child to his chest as the doctor left the room. Jim took the chair, next to the bed, that John had occupied for the last two days. He then placed his hand on the small boy's leg. The Pastor noticed that in the short time it took for John to settle himself in the bed with the child, Sammy had stopped shivering and the sheen of sweat was no longer noticeable. Unfortunately, in his time as a pastor, Jim had seen enough people succumb to fevers to know this was the final stages. The Preacher watched as silent tears fell from John's eyes as he buried his face in the small child's chocolate brown hair. Jim heard a faint humming, that he recognized as a lullaby and for the first time since this terrible ordeal began, Jim Murphy found himself crying as well.

OXOXOXOXOXOX

The rest of the day at the farm had progressed quietly after the turmoil of the early morning. Mac and Caleb talked throughout the day, each also checking on Dean several times an hour. The younger boy's silence was unnerving to them both as the only response they could get from him was when he was asked to come down and eat. The child would only pick at the food, when he touched it at all, then he would return to his spot in the window seat, overlooking the pond.

It was around eight that Mac and Caleb headed upstairs for the night. They again found Dean asleep in Sammy's bed, WooBee clutched in his arms. Mac looked at Caleb, "You go on to bed, Son. I'm going to set in here a bit." Mac took a seat on Dean's bed, much as Caleb had been that morning.

Caleb gave his father a quick hug, "Come get me if you need me…night Dad." Then the teen walked through the connecting door to his room, leaving the door open this time.

Mac watched Dean sleep. The boy would whimper some, then Mac would lay his hand on the child's back, calming him. Around ten Mac decided to turn in, he adjusted Dean's cover then quietly exited the room.

--

Caleb came awake with a gasp, his eye's wide, searching his room. Something had woken him up, but he wasn't sure what. He listened, but didn't hear any movements in the house. He glanced at his bedside clock which read; 1:46. The teen decided, since he was awake, to check on Dean. His heart skipped a beat when he entered the younger boy's room and found the bed empty. His eye's quickly going to the window seat which was also vacant. "Okay Reaves, think, he hasn't gone far, just check the bathroom." Caleb mumbled to himself as he crossed the room to the door. Stepping into the hall he was met with an open bathroom door, the light out. Caleb quickly made his way to Mac's room, knocking as he pushed open his father's door. "Dad!…Dad!." He whispered loudly as he shook the older man's shoulder.

Mac jerked awake, to find his son's concerned face looking at him, "Caleb? You okay?…what's wrong?" Mac raised himself onto his elbows as he watched the teen, he could sense something was off.

"Dad, I can't find Deuce." Caleb spoke a little louder, turning on his father's bedside lamp.

"What?" Mac sat up, pushing the covers off, "Have you checked his room? The bathroom?"

"Would I be waking you up if I hadn't?" Caleb didn't mean to snap, but as each minute past, the older boy's concern jumped a notch. "I'm sorry, yeah I checked…he's not there." Mac slipped on his house shoes as he and Caleb quickly left the room.

Mac looked at his son in the hallway, "He has to be here somewhere. You check up here, I'll check downstairs." The Doctor turned heading down the stairs, as Caleb checked Jim's, then John's rooms. He also checked all the other spots he knew the boy would sometimes hide. The teen let panic fill him as he cleared the upstairs.

Caleb headed down the back stairs, near the kitchen, where he met his father. "Dad, did you find him?" The older boy noted the growing concern on his father's face and knew the answer.

Mac ran his hand through his disheveled hair as he looked at his son. "He has to be here somewhere. Caleb, see if you can reach out to him, find where he is." Mac didn't normally condone Caleb using his abilities without someone's knowledge, but this time was different.

Uncharacteristically, Caleb started pacing the kitchen, 'Okay,okay,okay…"

Mac took a hold of his son's shoulders, "Caleb, Son, focus please!"

Caleb looked at his father and took a deep breath, mumbling, "Just like hide and seek." The teen closed his eyes and concentrated on Dean. Mac watched as his son's forehead crinkled as the boy opened his eyes. Caleb shook his head slightly. "Caleb?" Mac asked, as the boy met his gaze, then again closed his eyes, trying to focus on Dean. Mac watched as a frown overtook Caleb's expressions. The teen swayed slightly, "Caleb?" Mac quickly grabbed his son's arms, as he swayed again, guiding him to a chair. "Caleb?" Mac gave the boy a slight shake as the teen took in a quick breath, his eye's snapping open, as Caleb brought his hand to his head. "Son?" Mac was getting concerned with Caleb's lack of response.

"Dad?…I don't…" Caleb seemed confused, which wasn't a state Mac normally saw from the boy.

"Are you all right? Could you find Dean?" Mac asked.

Caleb took a deep breath, not really sure how to start. "I could sense him, but there was something…" Caleb looked into Mac's worried face, "It was like when I try to read Jim, but different. I know I was getting through to Deuce, but all I could see was water." The last word hung in the air a moment as a rock settled in Caleb's stomach, the teen quickly stood. "Nononono, God not again!" He mumbled as he raced toward the door, Mac on his heels.

"Caleb?"

"God Dad, the pond! That damn pond!" Caleb shouted as he and Mac ran out the kitchen door and down the porch stairs.

They had made it part way across the yard when Mac grabbed Caleb's arm, stopping him. "What the hell, Dad?!" Caleb tried to pull away, but Mac's whispered words stopped him.

"Look!" Mac's eyes were fixed on the small figure seated on the bank of the pond. "Dean's not in the water Son, he's on the bank. We need to slow down, so we don't scare him."

Caleb took in the small boy, seated near the edge of the dreaded water Caleb hated so much. Mac and the teen walked quietly, but quickly toward Dean. Within twenty feet it was Caleb who stopped there motion. "Let me, Dad." Mac nodded as Caleb slowly approached Dean.

The smaller boy didn't seen to take noticed as Caleb approached. When the teen was within five feet, in Caleb's mind grabbing distance if Dean was to somehow tumble toward the water, the older boy knelt down and looked at his friend. He took in that Dean's eyes were focused on the still, moonlit water. The child barely blinked as Caleb watched him. "Deuce?" Caleb whispered, "Hey Buddy, what are you doing out here?"

Dean's eyes continued to stare at the water as his small voice broke the silence. "I tried to stay away…tried to be angry with it, but I couldn't."

"Angry with what?" Caleb's confused voice asked.

"The water." Dean answered as if that was the most logical answer, he then continued. "She told me it was an accident, that she would never hurt Sammy." Dean's voice was steady, but eerily detached from the small child.

"Deuce?" Caleb was concerned with the cryptic talk. It almost reminded him of the way Pastor Jim talked sometime, like he was the only one who understood what he was saying, leaving others to wonder what the older man was thinking. The teen looked up as he noticed Mac approaching.

Dean's spoke again, "She said it wasn't your fault; that you got the vision so you could help Sammy. She said you did good Caleb." It threw Caleb when Dean used his name and not his nickname. He watched as Dean finally turned to face him. The teen was a bit taken back by the much older look that radiated from Dean's eyes. It reminded him of an old soul, someone who knew so much, but revealed so little. Caleb felt a chill go through him that had nothing to do with the night.

"She said Sammy is going to be okay, that you got to him in time. She said you're a good protector and as long as you are around Sammy and me will always be safe. That you'll keep us safe." Dean's eyes looked back toward the water. "She promises we are safe here; that nothing will harm us here." The younger boy's voice trailed off, as Caleb took a few moments to try and make sense of what Dean had just said.

The teen took some time to find his voice as his eye's searched out his father's. Mac seemed as confused by the conversation as Caleb. "Deuce, who are you talking about? Who is 'She'? The older boy moved closer to Dean as he waited for the child's answer. Caleb saw a tear escape Dean's eyes as the seven-year old looked back at him.

"Mom."

Silence fell over the pond as Caleb watched his friend. Mac knelt down on the other side of Dean. "Dean, Son, did you say your Mom?" Mac asked as he, himself, was trying to make sense of what was happening.

Dean looked up at Mac, "She visit's me here, tells me everything will be okay." The matter-of-fact tone wasn't lost on Mac as he didn't comment any further. He just didn't know how to comment. Mac felt something had happened tonight, but didn't yet understand what. He just knew it was a discussion he would have with Jim once all this was over.

Mac noticed Dean shiver slightly. He realized they had no idea how long Dean had been out here, and though summer was nearing, the night's had a tendency to still be cool. "Dean, we need to get you inside." The Doctor nodded to Caleb who gently touched Dean's arm.

The child was cool to the touch. "Come on Deuce, let's get you inside to warm up." Caleb was surprised when Dean abruptly stood and hugged the teen's neck. Caleb wrapped his arms around the small boy as he stood, pulling the child up with him. The teen then felt Dean wrap his legs around his waist as the smaller boy buried his head onto Caleb's shoulder. "I got ya, Deuce." Caleb whispered, rubbing the seven-year old's back.

Mac and Caleb headed toward the house as Dean clung to the older boy's neck. When they neared the stairs, a suddenly tired sounding Dean spoke, "I love you, Damien."

Caleb looked at his father before responding. "I love you, too, Deuce."

As the three entered the kitchen, the warmth greeted them. Dean shivered slightly in Caleb's grip. "I'll take him up to bed." Caleb spoke as he headed toward the stairs.

"I'll be right behind you." Mac said as he watched his son's retreating back. The Doctor stopped at the sink a minute, trying to make sense out of what Dean had said. Glancing out the window toward the pond, Mac could have sworn he caught sight of a figure on the bank. However, when he blinked it was gone. Yes, he thought to himself, he was definitely going to have to talk to Jim about all this. As Mac turned toward the stairs he noticed the time; 2:34 a.m..


	10. Chapter 10

Memories and Hope

Chapter 10

By Montez

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

Mac found himself unable to sleep. The thoughts of what had occurred at the pond rolling around in his head. He didn't know what to make of it all, so around six he got up and headed back downstairs to the kitchen. On his way he checked on the boys who, much to Mac's relief, were still asleep. Once in the kitchen the Doctor started the coffee maker, glancing out the window toward the pond, remembering what he thought he saw those few hours ago. However, as the sun started lightening the sky, only a light mist was seen over the pond.

A short-time later Caleb came down, blinking the sleep from his eyes. He walked wordlessly toward the coffee pot, even though he was only fifteen, he had a wicked caffeine habit, pouring himself a cup he sat at the table across from his dad.

Mac spoke first, "You okay, Son?"

Taking a sip of the burning liquid, Caleb rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, just confused about last night."

Mac nodded, "Me too. Once everything calms down, I'll talk to Jim about it; see what his take is on it. Caleb…" Mac leaned onto the table some, "Since Dean believes it is his mother who is visiting him, I feel it is best not to mention it to John right now. Mary has always been a touchy subject with him." Caleb nodded his head in agreement, just as the phone rang. The older man jumped up to grab it, hoping it wouldn't wake Dean. "Hello?"

"Mackland?" Jim's weary voice came over the receiver.

"Jim, how's Sammy this morning?" Mac asked looking at Caleb, as the teen turned to watch his father. A worried look crossed Mac's face when Jim didn't answer right away. "Jim?"

Mac heard the Pastor release a tired breath, "Mackland, how long do you think it would take to bring the boys here?" Mac was taken aback as to why Jim would want the boys at the hospital, when he hadn't mentioned how Sammy was doing.

"Jim, what's wrong?" Caleb stood, stepping closer to his father as worry radiated from Mac's voice, his expression conveying fear.

"It wasn't a good night." Was the only reply the seemingly distant voice of the Preacher gave.

"Jim, Please?" Mac was feeling more distressed by the defeated tone from his friend.

Jim's voice asked again, "Do you think you could be here within the hour? I need to meet you out front. Something happened last night and I…" Jim's voice trailed off as if he didn't know how to continue the conversation. It was so unlike Jim, that Mac brought a shaky hand to his eyes, willing back the tears he felt forming.

"Yes, Jim, we'll be there as soon as possible." Mac looked at Caleb, wishing he wasn't again seeing the fear and guilt in his own son's face.

"I'll be waiting." With that, Jim ended the phone call as he hung up without another word.

Mac slowly replaced the receiver as he faced his son. Caleb's shaky voice spoke, "Dad? Sammy?" The teen could feel his heart pounding relentlessly against his chest.

Mac blew out a deep breath, "He wouldn't say. Caleb, I need you to get Dean up. Jim wants us at the hospital."

"Dad…Please?" Mac heard the heartache in his son's voice, a heartache he could do nothing about.

"Caleb, he wouldn't say anything other than it wasn't a good night…Son, I just don't know." Mac pulled his boy to him. "I don't know. Please, I need you to go get Dean ready." Mac held his son back; he saw the determination set into his son's face. It was a look he had seen before when his son felt he needed to protect Dean from something. Mac watched as Caleb turned and headed upstairs.

Mac again took a deep breath, rubbing his face. He was terrified at what could have possibly rattled Jim, aside from… '_No.' _Mac shook his head at that thought, '_Surely, Jim would have told me if something had happened?'_ Mac tried to push the thought out of his head, as he walked upstairs, to get ready.

_--_

The ride back to the hospital was nearly as quiet as the ride to the farm two days before. Dean had asked about Sammy, only to be told he'd get to see his brother today, Mac prayed silently that it wouldn't be for the last time. The smaller boy noticed the tension coming from the two occupants in the front seat as he sat, watching them from the back. "Mom said Sammy would be okay, you'll see." Dean's small voice sounded so innocent and trusting. Caleb and Mac exchanged glances, but remained quiet, both hoping Dean was right, but each mentally trying to prepare themselves if he was wrong.

Pulling into the nearly deserted lot, Mac saw Jim's hunched form sitting on the bench outside the entrance. As they exited the vehicle and made their way toward the older man, Mac noticed how exhausted Jim looked, he had never seen the man so drained. Another thing that pulled at the Doctor's heart was the obvious look on Jim's face that the man had been crying, something Mac had never seen the Preacher do.

Caleb too noticed Jim's appearance; fear gripped the teen's soul as to what could have affected Jim to such a degree. If Dean noticed anything different about the Pastor, he didn't mention it as he let go of Caleb's hand and ran to Jim. "Pastor Jim!"

"Dean, my boy." Jim stood and picked up the seven-year old, trying to sound more cheerful. "How are you today?" the Preacher was happy to see Dean was again speaking to them, he had been so worried when the boy had left, two days ago, that they would loose him again.

"I want to see Sammy." Dean's replied, as he hugged the Pastor's neck.

"I'm sure you do." Jim spoke softly as they all headed inside the hospital.

Dean's innocent voice spoke again, "Why do you look so sad? She said Sammy would be okay." Jim looked at Mac, unsure of the meaning of Dean's statement.

Mac whispered, "We need to talk later." Jim nodded.

"I'm not sad. I'm just really tired." The Preacher said as he sat Dean down, turning to Caleb. "Caleb, I'm glad to see you doing better, Son." Jim pulled the teen into a hug, "You had me worried a bit."

Caleb, ducking his head, not really realizing the worry he had put the older man through. "I'm better, Dad's helping." Caleb looked at Mac, smiling slightly, before turning his attention back toward Jim. "But Jim, about Sammy?" The undercurrent of fear was obvious in the teen's voice. Caleb felt a need to know what was happening; he needed to know what he was leading Dean into. He needed to protect the smaller boy as best as he could, not wanting to loose his friend again.

The foursome had stopped next to waiting area with a soda machine. Jim knelt in front of Dean. "Dean, Son, why don't you get yourself a soda?" the Pastor handed the boy some change, "I know it's a little early, but you can have it for later, okay?" Dean nodded and wordlessly went to the machine, leaving the two men and Caleb alone.

"Jim?" Mac spoke as Jim rubbed his weary face; the older man leaned against the wall.

"We came very close to loosing Samuel last night." Jim paused as he saw concern cross the faces of the two people standing before him. "His temperature kept going up yesterday. The staff did everything they knew to do to lower it, but by midnight they were telling us if Samuel's fever didn't break, he wouldn't make it through the night." Jim blew out a breath.

"How high did it get?" Mac asked, the Doctor in him coming forward.

"At it's highest; 105.2." Jim nearly whispered.

"My God," Mac put his hand to his face as he turned his head, finding Dean still near the soda machine, before turning back to Jim. "How long was it that high?" Mac knew what a fever could do to a body, to the brain.

"About two hours. I'm sorry to say we had all but given up hope. Jonathon…Jonathon was beside himself, he sat those two hours holding the child. He was terrified, Samuel had stopped shivering or sweating, he just kept growing warmer." Jim moved to a chair, his tired body protesting the standing he was doing.

Mac and Caleb followed suit. Caleb noticed Dean was watching them from the soda machine. The younger boy seemed to know the adults needed to talk without him, so he hung back, wiping the condensation off his pop can.

"Jim, what happened?" Mac asked. Jim had yet to mention what Sammy's current condition was and that worried the Doctor.

Jim leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, "Around 2:25, Sammy's breathing became very shallow. So much so it was barely noticeable that he was even breathing. The doctor's came in, but Jonathon waved them off. They had already told us there wasn't anything left they could do, so they backed out. Jonathon just held Samuel close, he started…" Jim closed his eyes at the memories, "he started pleading with Samuel to hold on, begging for him to fight." Jim felt tears escape as he recalled the desperate cries as John begged his baby boy to hold on. "Then…then Samuel just went still," Jim looked at Mac. The Doctor had never seen such utter despair in his friend's face. "Jonathon just held the boy, Mackland…he just lost it…I don't think I'll every be able to forget the sounds that came from him." Again the Pastor buried his face into his hands, the haunting, grieving sounds that had come from his friend were not something the Preacher would soon forget. He, himself, had been at a lose as to help his friend. Jim had recalled the hole that was ripped in his own heart when he had lost his beloved wife, but Jim had never experienced the lose of a child. Though he felt that the Winchester boys, just like with Caleb, had become his surrogate children, his pain paled in comparison to what John went through as the younger man had felt his baby boy slip away from him.

Caleb felt a lump form in his throat at the thought that Sammy had been lost to them, and at what John, his friend; mentor, second father, had gone through. Caleb allowed a tear to fall as Jim cleared the emotion from his throat, speaking again. "Then at 2:34..." Jim looked at Mac and Caleb again, "It was the strangest…I believe miracles can happen, but to have actually witnessed what we did…I just don't know how to describe it." Mac noticed bewilderment on Jim's face, rarely was the older man ever perplexed by anything, so Mac knew that whatever the Pastor had witnessed had really thrown the seasoned hunter. "The room filled with a calming, blue light." Jim's voice took on the quality of when he would tell the boys stories about Dragons. "A figure, though I couldn't make out the features, appeared next to Jonathon and Samuel. I…I didn't know what to think, with all we have dealt with, all we have seen. The feeling in the room was not of fear, but of, for lack of a better word; love." Jim began turning the silver ring that he wore, the one that allowed the Pastor into a world far more mysterious than even the other hunter's knew existed. One filled with things still beyond his understanding, but what had occurred in Sammy's room was nothing like the older man had every experienced. Jim continued, "Jonathon looked up at the figure and gasped. We watched as It reached it's hand toward Samuel's head, a spark of white light flashed at the connection, then the figure disappeared. I stepped toward the bed, Jonathon hadn't moved, it took me several times calling his name for him to look at me. The expression on his face…it's impossible to describe. It took him a minute before he could speak. Mackland, he whispered out, 'It was Mary'."

Jim watched for reaction from Mac and Caleb and was surprised that their reaction wasn't as intense as his was, Jim had been left with nothing to offer as explanation. The Pastor then remember what Dean had told him on the way into the hospital; he remembered Mac telling him they needed to talk later. It was then that Jim realized something must have happened at the farm as well. Jim cleared his throat and continued. "After a couple of minutes Samuel let out a soft breath and opened his eyes. I yelled for the doctor's, who rushed in. Once Jonathon allowed them close enough to look over Samuel, whom he didn't release from his arms, the doctor's looked amazed. Samuel's fever had disappeared, as did the rattling sounds of the pneumonia in his lungs. They immediately ordered testing, to verify everything. It was still a couple more minutes before Samuel looked up at Jonathon and said 'Daddy'." Jim smiled slightly recalling the relief that washed over John's face as he heard his small son's voice. "Then Samuel wanted to know where Dean was." Jim involuntarily chuckled as both the physical and emotions exhaustion was catching up with him.

Caleb was still trying to get his head around, not only what had happened at the farm last night, but what had apparently happened at the hospital as well. "So Sammy's okay?"

Jim nodded, looking at the teen, "The doctor's have checked him over, even running additional x-rays. They can't explain it, but his pneumonia is gone and what amazes them more is there isn't any residual effect from the fever." Mac sat, not really sure what to think. The doctor in him saying this was impossible. No one could go through all that Sammy had gone through with no effect. However, with everything he has experienced in the last several years since his own miraculous recover from the automobile accident that left him in a coma for months, only to wake up and have the new abilities he had. Mac knew that there were things out there beyond their control, that for whatever reason, stepped in and saved this fractured family from further heartbreak. The words Dean had uttered last night at the pond now seemed so prolific.

Dean watched as the other's talked, he knew they were talking about Sammy, the child wondered why they all seemed so amazed that his baby brother was okay. Had he not told them his mother had said Sammy would be. Dean knew his mother would never lie to him about something as important as his baby brother. The seven-year old noticed the other's had grown quiet, so he approached his extended family, speaking quietly. "I told you Sammy would be okay, she wouldn't lie about that." Dean walked up to Jim, stopping in front of the Pastor, "I want to see Sammy now, please."

Jim stood, Mac and Caleb followed, as Jim spoke to the younger boy, a smile on his face. "I know he's going to be happy to see you, my boy." Jim took the youngsters hand as the group followed Jim toward Sammy's room.

As Jim neared the room he turned to Mac and the boys, "When I left earlier, they both were asleep." the Pastor knelt in front of Dean. "Dean, your dad and brother, both, had a really tough night. It would be best to let them rest some if they are still asleep." Jim watched understanding pass over the seven-year olds face. "I know you want to see your brother awake, but I assure you he's doing just fine and will wake up in a little while, okay?"

Dean nodded with a whispered, "Yes, sir." as Jim stood, pushing the door open.

Caleb walked in first; in his mind he was checking things out before letting Dean into the room. Dean and Mac followed as Jim closed the door behind them. Mac and Caleb took in the sight of John Winchester lying on his side in the bed with Sammy. The small child snuggled into his father's chest. Dean walked around them bother as he approached the bed. The older boy noticed his baby brother no longer had the oxygen mask covering his face, nor any IV lines attached to his arms. The seven-year old also noticed how Sammy's small hand was curled into his father's tee shirt. The tiny boy's breaths, even and smooth, as they normally would be when the boy was asleep.

Dean released a small breath as he gently placed his hand against his brother's back. He then took a moment to look at his father. It was rare that the boys were ever allowed to sleep in the same bed as their dad. The nightmares would have to have been really bad for such a rare event. Dean remembered times when he would find solace next to his dad. Knowing nothing would hurt him when his dad was near. The seven-year old noticed his father's face, the way his brow still seemed pinched in stress, but some how a peacefulness could also be seen, if you knew how to look at him, and Dean could read his dad's face like a book. The dried tear-lines worried Dean, there was only one time Dean could recall seeing his father cry. It had been shortly after his mother had died, his dad had thought the boys were asleep, but Dean had silently witnessed the breakdown. It had scared the, then four-year old, who remained still in his spot next to his sleeping baby brother, John never knowing the child had watched him. Dean was still looking at his father's face, knowing in his heart things must have gotten really bad for his dad to cry. However, the younger boy realized that, at the time, his dad didn't know everything would be okay, like Dean had known when his mother visited him the night before at the pond.

The child reached his small hand up and touched his father's cheek. The rough growth of beard prickled against Dean's small hand. The young boy ran his thumb over the dried tear-lines that disappeared into the beard. The seven-year old watched as his father's eyes slowly opened, "Hey, Ace." John whispered, trying not to disturb the sleeping toddler nestled against him.

"Hi, Daddy." Dean whispered back as a slight smile crossed John's face.

The weary father had worried about Dean's shut down on the first day at the hospital, but his concern had been overshadowed by Sammy's life and death struggle that played out the last two days, culminating in the miraculous recovery of the smaller child. "You okay?"

"Yes sir," Was Dean's automatic response to his father's questions. "Sammy?" he whispered so not to disturb his brother.

"He's just sleeping, Ace. He asked for you earlier. He'll be glad you're here." John looked down at the child curled next to him, then back to his oldest.

Jim, Mac and Caleb had been watching the exchange between father and son, when Jim approached the bed, "Dean, why don't you have a seat right here next to the bed?" Jim moved a chair closer to the side of the bed.

Dean looked at Jim and the chair, then he turned and looked at he foot of the bed his brother and father occupied. Looking at John with large, pleading green eyes, Dean asked. "Can I sit down there?" The older boy wanted to be as close to his brother as he could get for when the smaller child woke up.

"Sure Buddy. Jim, could you?" John again spoke quietly as the Preacher nodded, lifting Dean onto the foot of the bed. Once in place, Dean reached up and placed his hand on his brother's foot that was still under the covers.

Mac and Caleb stepped closer, also needing the visual reassurance that Sammy was indeed still with them. They were both relieved to see that Sammy looked so much better than when they had rushed the smaller child to the hospital. John's quiet voice again broke the silence. "Mac, Caleb…thank you both. You… you saved my boys. I don't know how to thank you." Tear's formed in John's eyes as he looked at his friend and the man's son, who had nearly become a third son to John. They had been there for his boys when he couldn't. John knew he could have lost both of his boys if not for the effort Mac and Caleb. Mac placed his hand around his son's shoulder, giving it a squeeze, Mac understood all to well what could have happened. Neither could speak, as there were no more words left to say. There fragile family was still intact, that is what was most important.

Dean's quiet voice broke the silence as his eyes never left his brother. "When can Sammy come home?"

Jim answered, as John hadn't really taken his attention off his baby boy, once the child woke up. "Dean, the doctor said, if he was still doing okay, he could possibly go home this afternoon."

"That soon?" Caleb's worried voice asked.

Jim nodded, "All the test have come back clear. They just want to observe him for a few more hours, to make sure. But yes, we should have Samuel back at the farm by this evening."

"Thank God." Mac said, pulling his own son close.

The room grew silent as the other's found chairs and sat, waiting for Sammy to wake up. About an hour later they were rewarded when the three-year old started to stir. Dean scooted closer as John raised himself up a little. Mac, Jim and Caleb remained seated, as not to overwhelm or frighten the waking child.

Dean watched as his baby brother's brown eyes blinked, owlishly open. The small boy looked first up at his father's face, "Hey Sport." John spoke softly.

"Daddy." Sammy responded sleepily.

John knew he'd never get tired of hearing that, as he smiled down at his baby boy. "You've got a visitor." John pointed toward the end of the bed, as Dean watched his brother's gaze meet his.

"DEANIE!!" The small child's loud voice brought nervous laughter from the rest of the room as they all watched Sammy quickly sit up, trying to reach his big brother.

"Hey ya, Sammy." Dean said, a smile on his face, as he too moved closer to his brother. Sammy finally got out of the covers and reached Dean, crawling into the older boy's lap.

The toddler looked up into his brother's face. Sammy's puppy-dog eye's looking seriously at Dean. "Where was you? Your always there when I wakes up?" Dean looked troubled; he too felt he should have been with his brother.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. The doctor's wouldn't let me stay--only Dad's get to stay. I wanted to be here, really." Dean watched as Sammy tried to decide if he should forgive is big brother for not being there.

"That's what Daddy said too. Okay…" Sammy hugged Dean, "But you be there next time right?" the smaller child mumbled.

"Yeah, Buddy, I will." Dean held his little brother close. They sat that way for a minute. John rose up and got off the bed, allowing the boys more room.

Caleb approached the bed, "Hey Runt, you doing okay?" The relief Caleb felt couldn't be described as he watched the two boys, finally together again.

Sammy looked at Caleb, "I didn't get my peanut butter." Sammy's bottom lip popped out. Caleb couldn't help but laugh; he'd keep the kid stocked in peanut butter if it would keep him safe. The teen heard the adults chuckle as well. "I'll get you some when we get home okay, Runt?" Caleb ruffled the child's hair.

"Don't call me wunt!" Sammy crossed his arms in typical Sammy fashion, as Caleb raised his hands in mock surrender.

"Okay, okay." The teen grinned, returning to his seat next to his father.

After a minute of silence Sammy turned and looked seriously at Dean. Talking in a voice he obviously thought was a whisper. "Did you see her?" Since Sammy didn't understand a whisper was your voice lowered, he had spoken in his normal tone, so everyone in the room heard him. All eye's came to the smaller boy who was oblivious to the looks. Dean watched his brother as the toddler's voice spoke again. "She said she told you."

Dean nodded, "Yeah, Sammy, I saw her." The seven-year olds voice trailed as he noticed John stand.

"Dean?" The exhausted father was confused, not really understanding the conversation between the two small boys. But something stirred inside John as the terrifying event's of the previous night came back to him. "Son, what are you boys talking about?"

Mac, Caleb and Jim were all watching. Mac and Caleb having witnessed Dean's midnight adventure at the pond. Jim replaying his own experience from the hospital the previous night. Both Dean and Sammy looked at their dad as Dean answered, "Mom."

Mac stood quickly as he noticed the color drain from John's face at Dean's revelation. "John?" Mac steered his friend to the nearest chair, sitting the younger man down. John raised a shaking hand to his face.

Dean slipped down off the bed, making his way to his father's side. "Dad?"

His seven-year old was answered when John looked up, tears forming in his eyes. "Dean? How?"

Knowing what his father was asking the boy answered. "She was at the pond last night. She told me Sammy would be okay. Dad, it was Mom, I know it. She promised Sammy would be okay and he is." Dean touched his father's arm as John looked up at Mac, who was still next to him.

"Mac?"

Mac nodded in confirmation, "Dean was at the pond last night. He told Caleb and myself the same thing. We didn't understand it, but he also told us it was his mother."

Trying to take in what he was learning his eldest had witnessed, it occurred to John that Sammy had started this whole conversation with his question to Dean. John stood, picking Dean up as he went, placing him back on the bed, he reached for Sammy, pulling the child to his lap as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Sammy, who did you see?" John knew the child had been near death, but he also knew what he, himself, had witnessed and now knowing what Dean had revealed.

Sammy looked at his daddy with large trusting eyes. "I saw an angel, but she looked like mommy's picture." The toddler's eyes looked from his daddy to the others in the room, finally finding his brothers. "She said I was sick, but I'd be better soon. She also said Deanie was okay, she had just seen him." Sammy looked at John, "Then she touched my head…" the toddler pointed to his forehead, "Like you do when I'm sick, she said I'd be better, then she left."

John looked at Jim, "Jim?"

The Pastor stood, stepping closer to his friend, "Jonathon, I only saw the light in the room, but you whispered…"

John cut the Preacher off, "Mary." John spoke as he looked at his sons.

Dean noticed a tear fall from his father's eye. "Dad, did you…did you see Mom too?"

John closed his eyes as other tears escaped, nodding his head, "Yeah Ace," He opened his eyes and looked into the eyes that reminded him so much of his wife, "I saw your mother, she helped your brother. God it was Mary, wasn't it?" John looked from Dean to Jim, then Mac and Caleb. John had prayed so many times to see his wife again. As he pulled his boys to him, hugging them close, he knew she had waited until he truly needed her, until her family truly needed her. As the Winchesters sat together on the bed, the others found their seat as silence again filled the room.


	11. Chapter 11

Memories and Hope

Chapter 11

By: Montez

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

It was late afternoon before the doctors were satisfied and released Sammy, who had been nicknamed by the hospital staff as 'miracle child'. It had gotten around the hospital about the youngsters miraculous recovery for his near drown, then life-threatening pneumonia. As Sammy's release papers were being readied, John had convinced Mac he was okay to drive and for the Doctor to go ahead and take Jim and Caleb back to the farm. The three, reluctantly headed out, John assuring them he wouldn't be far behind. Mac planned on having something to eat ready when the Winchesters reached the farm, figuring it would be an early night for everyone; especially Jim and John, who had gotten little or no sleep in the last two days.

Once everyone was safely back at the farm, Mac and Caleb prepared a quick meal. Caleb made sure he had those apples and peanut butter ready for Sammy when he came home. Caleb kept a close eye on Dean and Sammy, while John took a quick shower before dinner. The meal was unusually quiet, as exhaustion seemed the overruling factor, even for the normally energetic boys. Mac assured Jim and John that Caleb and he would clean up, then get Sammy and Dean off to bed.

Before heading upstairs, John spent some time just holding his children. His exhausted body screaming for rest, but he was reluctant to let his boys go. "You boys need me, you wake me up, okay?"

John told the boys, grinning tiredly when twin, 'yes,sir's' were heard from them. Again, John pulled the boys to him, kissing the tops of their heads, then making his way to bed. Jim had retired a short time before.

Dean and Sammy sat on the couch, Atticus on the floor next to them, as Dean read Sammy a book, while Mac and Caleb finished in the kitchen. Soon after Mac ushered the boys upstairs to get ready for bed, knowing everyone would sleep easier tonight knowing Sammy was home safe and well.

As Dean climbed into his bed, Sammy crawled in next to him, dragging WooBee with him. "Can I sleep with you, Deanie?" After the last couple of days, Dean wouldn't deny his baby brother anything, so he scooted over. "Sure."

Mac and Caleb came in short time later, to tuck in the boys. Caleb sat on Sammy's empty bed as Mac sat on the edge of Dean's. "You boys, okay?" Mac asked as he adjusted the covers over the siblings.

"Yes, sir." again the twin response. Sammy's small voice spoke next. "Is Caleb gonna stay in here?" Big brown eyes looked hopefully at the teen as did Dean's.

Mac looked at his son. He noticed that some of the weight the boy had been carrying around the last several days, had lifted from his son's shoulders, once it was known Sammy was better and now home. "Son?"

Sammy watched the older boy, then slipped from bed, coming to stand in front of the teen. Caleb looked into the puppy-dog eyes that seemed to be looking through him. A serious tone came from the small child as he looked up at Caleb, "The angel said you saved me, that you did good." Caleb was stunned at the comment and by the vice grip hug he received from the three-year old. "Thank you." the toddler mumbled. This was the first real contact Caleb had with Sammy since he had pulled him from the pond. The teen found himself wrapping his arms around the tiny child, picking him up, Sammy moving his little arms up to Caleb's neck.

The older boy looked over at Mac, who had tears in his eyes; Caleb was at a lose as to what to say. He swallowed hard, trying not to cry in front of the boys, as he spoke, "You're welcome, Kido. I'll always have your back." Sammy released his hold as Caleb sat him down.

The small boy then crawled back into Dean's bed. Mac readjusted the covers as he noticed his son had moved up on the other bed, leaning against the headboard. The Doctor knew his son would stay with the Winchester children tonight. As Mac went to stand, the small voice they had all been afraid would be silenced forever spoke again, "Mac?"

"Yes, Sammy." Mac sat back down looking at the small boy.

"Can you tell me a story?" Mac looked into the deep brown eyes that could melt the heart of the most hardened hunter. He then looked at Caleb and Dean, who each nodded.

Mac cleared his throat, "What kind of story?"

"Bout the Dragons and Prince Samuel. Like Pastor Jim tells."

Mac had to think a minute. It had been a while since he had heard the Pastor's tales of the Magical Dragons and the Young Prince Samuel they protected. Mac was never good at making up stories. This is why he would usually read a book, when the boys asked for stories. "The Dragons, huh?"

"Pleeeease?" The toddler pleaded. Mac already knowing he would cave.

"Okay, give me a minute to remember them all." Mac recalled the dragons well; he was trying to come up with a story. His mind focusing on the last few days and how close they had come to not only loosing Sammy, but Dean and Caleb as well. Mac got a chair, so he could sit between the beds, giving Sammy and Dean room to snuggle down under the blankets. He glanced at his son, who gave him a reassuring smile, then the older man cleared his throat.

"Once upon a time in a land far, far away there lived a young prince named Samuel." Mac watched as Sammy was riveted at the first line, Mac continued to speak as Jim's stories came back to him. "He lived in a very magical world, surrounded by amazing friends that protected him…"

"The Dragons." Sammy whispered.

Mac nodded, "The Dragons. These fearsome creatures protected young Samuel from the evil that existed in the world." Mac remembered that Jim would relay each Dragon, to set the mood. "There was the Great Silver Dragon; Astorim, who was the eldest and wisest of the Dragons. Next there was Cam; the Blue Dragon, who was known as a healer. Then came Balec; the Fire Dragon, who fearlessly protected not only Prince Samuel, but watched over the Green Dragon; Athewm, who was Samuel's personal guardian, as well. Finally, there was O'Nathan Jay; the Black Dragon, there fierce protector of the Prince's kingdom as well as Athewm and Prince Samuel, themselves."

"All was peaceful in the Kingdom until a dark day when a tragic accident threatened to snatch the Prince away form the Dragons forever." Mac paused, watching the boys for a moment, then he continued. "And although Belac and Athewm had rescued the Prince, he had been badly injured. Cam arrived at the castle just as the Prince was rescued, but even with his healing abilities, young Prince Samuel needed to be taken care of by his own kind. It was a hurt the Dragon's could not fix. Belac and Athewm were distraught that the Prince had been hurt, when they had been so nearby, thought it was accident, the two noble Dragon's carried a blame that was not theirs to carry." Mac looked at his son, trying again to reassure Caleb it was in now way his fault.

"When the Black Dragon; O'Nathan Jay arrived at the Prince's side, he was overwhelmed with grief. As the young Prince was one of the two precious beings the Queen had entrusted to him before her death. The other being the Prince's protector, Athewm. The Black Dragon saw how much the Prince's tragic accident had affected Athewm, that in a rare occurrence, O'Nathan Jay comforted the lost Green Dragon, while awaiting word on the Prince."

"As much as the Dragons hoped and even as the Great Astorim prayed, the young Prince became very ill and was very close to leaving the Dragons and the Magical Kingdom forever. However, on the second night, when all hoped seemed to be nearly lost, the Queen returned from her place among the angels. Making herself known first to Athewm, then appearing to O'Nathan Jay, who was holding vigil at the Prince's bedside. The Black Dragon watched in awe as the spirit of his beloved Queen touched her hand to young Samuel's head and with a brilliant flash of light, healed the young Prince, thus healing the Dragon's as well. Soon the Prince returned to his castle and was again surrounded and protected by his Magical Dragon's who dearly loved the Prince. And all was right with the Kingdom again." Mac finished, as he saw that both Dean and Sammy had fallen asleep.

Caleb had laid down as his father told the story, but remained awake till the end. Mac looked at his son, "Well, was it okay?" Mac asked.

The teen gave a little smirk, "Not as good as Jim's," a hint of mischief in his voice. Mac was silently happy for the return of Caleb's sarcasm. "Maybe you should stick to reading The Three Musketeers." Caleb smiled as Mac knew the book meant a lot to both of them, as it was the first thing Mac had ever given Caleb when he found the scared, troubled twelve-year old at the psychiatric hospital and affectively saved the boys life, in more ways than one.

"The Three Musketeers, huh?' Mac grinned at his son.

Caleb looked at Mac, seriousness in his eyes. "Seriously Dad, it was a good story and I'm sorry for what I put you through. I wasn't thinking straight." Caleb rose up in the bed.

Mac moved to sit next to his son. Reaching up he touched his son's cheek. "I know Son, but you have to understand, I'll always worry about you. You try to carry so much around inside…I just hope you understand that I will always…always be on your side. I'll be here for you whenever you need me, no matter what." Mac looked intently into his son's gold-green eyes, making sure he had the boy's full attention, "And I will always love you, don't ever forget that." Mac pulled his son to him as Caleb returned the hug.

"I love you too, Dad." Caleb whispered.

Mac kissed the top of his son's head as he released the boy. "You get some sleep now. You know where I am if you need me."

Caleb nodded, "Night Dad."

"Goodnight, Son." Mac said as he exited the room. The Doctor leaned against the wall in the hallway for moment. A feeling of peace had settled over the house, as all their numbers were finally back where they should be; safe and sound inside the farm house that had become a real home to them all. Mac took a deep breath, releasing it, as he headed off to bed.

Outside, near the pond, a figure stood. A sad smile on her face, but her heart was light as she silently watched over her charges.

--

_Epilogue _

A few days later, John was again standing on the back porch watching his boys playing with Atticus. He marveled at how quickly Sammy had recovered, which had helped them all heal. None more so than Dean, the older boy's infectious laughter echoed across the yard.

The screen door squeaked, John didn't turn to see who it was, but soon the familiar voice of his friend broke the silence of the porch. "I told you in a few days that the boys would again be laughing and playing." Jim's calm voice spoke.

"Yes you did, but it was close." John whispered. His mind replaying again, just how close that last night had been.

Just then the screen door slammed and the dark haired teen ran out into the yard, joining the younger boys. Jim nodded his head as he recalled how close they had also come to loosing Caleb. John was still unaware of the incident on the roof, "Yes, it was close indeed."

The two men watched for several minutes as the boys chased after Atticus and each other. Squeals of excitement sounding over the yard. Soon the screen door opened a third time, both men turned as Mac joined them. "Bobby just called. He was looking for some help on hunt near his place." Mac looked at Jim, then John. "He wanted to know if you were interested, John?" Mac silently hoped his friend wound not leave so soon, with Sammy only being out of the hospital for a few days, but if Mac knew one thing about John Winchester, it was nobody could tell the man what he should or shouldn't do.

Jim and Mac watched as John turned, watching the boys at play. After several minutes John spoke, "Mac, call Bobby back," The two older men shared a look, each praying John wasn't going to go so soon. "Tell him to call Joshua. I think I'm gonna spend some time with my boys." John shot both hunters a sincere look, "Thank you both, for everything." With that John headed down the stairs, joining the may lay in the yard as all three boys decided to wrestle the hunter to the ground. John's deep laughter soon was heard over the younger boys giggles.

Jim and Mac shared relieved looks. Though they knew John wouldn't stay away from the hunt for long. They were each happy to see that today, at least, he was being the father his boys needed.

The End

_A/N: Many, many thanks to all my readers who stayed with me through this-I'm grateful._

_To my wonderful Beta: Sensue, the Dragons were your idea. It was a wonderful idea to add them to the story, I hope you like how I worked them in._

_To the amazing Ridley James; Thank you for creating the wonderful world of the Brotherhood and allowing me the privilege to play in your sandbox. Also for pointing me in the right direction in finding the information I needed about the Dragons. I hope I did them justice._

_I hope my Brotherhood story lived up to the wonderful standard of the other Brotherhood stories. I enjoyed the ride. Again THANK YOU ALL for coming along on the journey-until next time._

_p.s. the Dragon reference came from 'In the Company of Dragons' by Ridley James._

_And where would we be without Mr. Eric Kripke for creating the wonderful Winchesters._


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